I don't think there's much to say about this piece, you've explained everything well. You wonderfully expressed your opinions on life and Purpose, the reason for this I suppose.
"You've been hit by the wise"
"I am guilty of humanity, and wishing I were more."
My real name is Audrey Tolson and I like to write.
What a funny story here, you captured the essence of a dog's life in this right here. There were some mistakes though, like a left out word...the paragraph you ask?
Let me see...PARA2: the first sentence: Cheese and sourdough very good. Now, I suppose it's okay like this, but it kind of confused me, I mean, I don't know about you, but I don't know many people that talk leaving words out their sentences, so...yeah, you just might want to insert an "is" in there.
There's other little mistakes in there that could have come from copying and pasting, so you need to just look over that and fix it up a bit. This was funny story.
I especially liked the part about the dog's eyes saying that he was starving, but his bulging stomach clearly stating otherwise. I could really picture that cute fat little dog staring up at you begging for some of you cheese. What a way to paint an image. You did well with this.
"You've been hit by the wise"
"I am guilty of humanity, and wishing I were more."
This was an interesting story, did it really happen? Oh well, now we know that Armor-all won't kill rose bushes. Some things about the story though:
You might want to put in whole line paragraph breaks, instead of just making a new paragraph with out indenting. Indenting is also a good way to make noticeable breaks in your work, so you can really go with either. It's just that without the whole line breaks, or the indenting, it kind of makes it a bit hard on the reader. All the words swarm together and it just makes me need to stop, breathe, then begin again.
This was a funny story, you write well. But near the end of this it became a bit hard to read. You might want to check over that. I don't know how it happened, but there are a lot of "@" signs and the dialogue needs to be separated off by paragraphs.
Other than that, this was good, just look over the last paragraph or two, change what needs to be changed, and then you're good to go!! Keep writing!!
"You've been hit by the wise"
"I am guilty of humanity, and wishing I were more."
Well since you put it like THAT! I suppose it would have been better to leave him dead!!
This was a funny story; I liked the short twist to it. I was a bit miffed at the Richie for taking off the bandages, I mean, was it any of HIS business? No, of course not.
That is a scary thing now...I wouldn't want someone to come back and "molest" me. Well, best of luck in this contest!!
Interesting story. I don't know if this could be considered the "legend" of the boogieman, but what someone thinks about him.
I liked how you did this, there was no particular rhythm to it, which was okay, I suppose. I liked the part where you said he got us. I got the feeling that you were yelling, and that I was supposed to jump. I didn't jump, but I thought about it, if that works. I liked the repetition in the last three lines, and then the last line itself.
Your descriptions were perfect. He's stabbing me in my thighs, and then he was my nightgown! Oh, this kind of stuff is enough to make me scared, if I were easily scared. Unfortunately, I'm not, but it made me think about getting scared, if that counts.
Right well, this was a nice...poem? I'm not sure about the poem part, but I really liked this here.
*sighs* Ah, yes...the 4.5 yet again, forgive me but I don't like giving out 5.0's, maybe you can just pretend that that's what it is?
Right, well, getting on with my review. Good story, great man, it really was. Yep, I wouldn't be surprised if you could write romance better than I was well; the way you portrayed this mans feelings was just the best. Some people have trouble writing in first person simply because they can't really seem to capture their character's thoughts well enough, but that wasn't a problem here, you did it wonderfully.
It was beautiful, simply beautiful, enough to make anyone smile at just the mere thought that this man seemed to find all the happiness and joy in the world just from looking at this girl he was obsessed with. Okay, well...maybe not obsessed, but, to use your word, infatuated with. It was wonderful, even if this man was fictional...or is he? Is it you? You know, there's the same name involved.
Yeah well...with nothing else to say, I suppose this is it. You have a knack for this field, you should continue to explore it, you'll do fine.
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