Wow. I don't know what to say. I have never read someone's account of sexual abuse before and this was very vivid and real. Very sad too.
I think that the truthfulness of this piece gives it a lot of potential. I particularly find:
Awakened from its hiding place deep within normality, coming forth for her alone, no one else can see the beast as he pulls the covers from her trembling form and touches her.
I also liked the imagery you use when relaying the ability of the child's mind to escape from such terrible torture. I am constantly amazed by what the human brain can achieve and this is just one example of the way in which a person can, stragely enough, 'live'through such events.
Great work, look forward to reading more.
Happy New Year too,
mmrainbow
this a very honest line and portrays the monster within the man very clearly and very well. It is also quite sobering which I think is very important because without this part, the reader could easily gloss over what has happened.
I too can relate to that first kiss from my husband: it is so awesome when you meet that person as it really does transform your life.
unable,or unwilling, to hear my rescuer's call
Still, One Single Kiss mended it all.
I like this line the most because it symbolises a person in distress, whether they like it or not, and a knight in shining armour (well,maybe not the armour) to rescue her. Very old fashioned and romantic - a great read for this time of the year!
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
mmrainbow
Clouds for the eyes to look up at each day, stars for the night.
This line I can really relate to as we used to live in a village of 400 odd people (and I mean odd!) and it was very secluded and peaceful. The sky was always of interest to me there and at night you could see possibly every star in the heavens.
Thanks for reminding me of that wonderful memory.
My second fave would have to be:
Two pillows: one for sleeping, one for napping.
How very true! As a mum of two boys, I can really relate to the pillow thing; it's neccessary, isn't it?
I really like this. The characters are complex enough to make you interested to know more about them, and yet familiar enough to envoke my own experiences in the world of unrequited love! Great effort. I particularly like the last sentences which bring Milton back to reality in such a normal and recognisable way: I am sure that everyone has been there!
I like parts of this piece more than others. I printed it off so that I could take a closer look because I feel that it has a lot of potential. If I may be so presumptious to offer some suggestions:
The main body of the poem focuses on the woman and the angelic metaphors used. I notice that there are also references to quenched flames. I can see that angels with clipped wings and quenched flames portray similar pictures for the reader and I was thinking that perhaps the metaphor of angels is stronger than the flames.
Perhaps you could consider using just one of them for this piece and even think of writing a separate piece to use the other.
The other point I wanted to mention is considering the use of rhythm more strongly than you have - I think that more rhythm would convey more of an emotional feel to the piece.
This is obviously close to your heart and I don't want to pick it to pieces: I am sure that this piece has plenty of potential and look forward to reading future drafts.
This poem made me read it 3 times - it took a moment to get my head around the way you have written it and I really like it. I like how you are saying you are on the fence: whichever way you look at the relationship, you can't be happy or sad - you are in an undetermined frame of mind. Very well written, although you may wish to reexamine for punctuation. I like this one very much.
I like the progression of the poem - starting off with searching for Almighty and discovering that He was there all along, within you.
I am not too sure if the third stanza is correct though - is it meant to be in first person or third person? I also thought that at the end, you go from talking about a personal journey to 'we' search... maybe you could use the third stanza to move from first person to third person.
Overall I really like the feel of this piece and look forward to reading more of your work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/miriammiles74
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 8:28pm on May 18, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
