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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Kay
Rated: E | (3.0)
You made excellent points about the differences between the sexes. You have learned alot, it appears, from your experiences and the experiences of your friends.

As I read your article I saw some words spelled differently and it dawned on me that you may not from the U.S. of A. Could you be in Australia or Great Britian? I'm thinking of the words, learnt, realise, colour, for example.

As an older woman, married 41 years, may I add two observations... (1) If you want a man to do something special for you, it helps if he think it was all his own idea. Letting travel brochures or jewelry ads laying around can't hurt, for example. (2) This goes with your #1, tell him daily, several times a day even, how smart, handsome, and/or sexy he is and how lucky you are to have him by your side. He'll believe you are the smartest woman in the world for picking him! This one takes care of your #7.

I enjoyed reading your article.
k
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Review of The Presentation  
Review by Kay
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story held my attention to the end. Your story left me wanting to read more! I could relate to the feelings Lucy had prior to getting up in front of the class to speak. I felt her pain. You were right on... comparing public speaking to rock climbing. I would pull out the word "slightly" in the line "Being there slightly reminded her of rock climbing..." to make the statement more definitive and to make the passage read more smoothly.

This sentence seems to be a bit cumbersome. "She had never liked presenting, she had always found some way to get out of it, some way to avoid standing up there, with the whole class looking, staring up at her, waiting to be impressed." I think you wrote it this way so we could feel the intensity of her fear. It might read better it you could break it into two sentences. For instance: "She had never liked presenting, she had always found some way to get out of it, some way to avoid standing up there. She hated the whole class looking at her, staring at her, waiting to be impressed.

Could I suggest a different wording for the line "Again she was awakened from her thoughts by the loud clapping of the class, signifying that she had done okay and it was all fininshed."
Perhaps something like: Pulled back from her thoughts by enthusiastic applause, she realized she had finished and survived the ordeal. She had done okay.

I hope you plan to write more. Your writing made us ask questions. Now we want answers :)
K
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