Reading this was difficult because it was obviously passionately and painfully written by someone whose world had turned in upon itself, the writer reflects excessive wear and many patching up just to keep going despite a temptation at times maybe not to.
It is not for me to ask the details behind what drove a writer to ' look themselves in the face ', but I did naturally wonder just what it was that had stripped the author of any independence, what was this affront to there human dignity and why we're they in the dark.
A writer has to meet dangers as they write I know, and struggling to find out what it is they truly want to say is part of that process and so I wonder if this piece is a victim of just such a position, from the first line to the last it was about pain ! I understood what was intended to be said after the first few verses , I found myself asking what was subconsciously being said the longer the verses went on.
The piece however did manage for me to evoke the atmosphere in which the writer writes , I too have been unable to defend myself from crushing pain that strips away any sense of respect for ones self so in the process of reading I saw the author as indeed I saw myself, I could hear the author saying the words that obviously stretched well back through time not to acquire popularity but maybe just maybe to acquire tolerance.
I have admiration for the piece, the writer must know they simply have my admiration for writing a piece of work that through the unity and empathy of a fellow reader, for through unity can be strength, the precious life giving blood of a burgeoning spirit can maybe start to flow.
Paul
Well Fred 42 I found myself reading this with a crinkled forehead and eyebrows drawn together, I thought that some of the rhyming lines struggled to keep up or even distorted or slowed the rhythm of the story down, no matter what the subject was, I realise to try and tell a story in 9 verses must be difficult but I felt this one got lost somewhere despite your obvious convictions and satisfactions towards your beliefs.
A lot of the references I obviously didn't understand as I am not religious so maybe I am not the best person to ask for a review so that too added to my slight frustration, your other poem I could step back and just enjoy about a man and a woman but I couldn't do that with this piece so there was nothing for me to fall back on as I waded through your biblical references.
Thanks for asking me to review it Fred42 but this one wasn't for me.
Paul
Well done, those few words for our scrutiny must have been hard to write, admitting our emotions has its complications but it can also have its attractions and merits, I felt Nathalys pain as I read her strained words that were struggling to find a belief in her self, I wondered how old she was and I wondered if those words were written for someone in particular. I admire the girl that wrote this and published it for me to read and would like to read about the occasions where she shone underneath that blue moon.
Remember that you allways have a second chance to change something..................it's called tomorrow !.
Thank you.
Toynbee said of the ' creative genius ':
He will have put himself out of gear with this field of action, and in losing the power of action he will lose the will to live.
I see a creative genius and some positives buried within this piece it just requires more management, i know nothing of his training or experiences but the contradictions in the writing maybe represents the contradictions in his life. The fear of finding answers is tough especially when writing, admit your emotions rather than disown them, continue to write it has a special value.
Well done.
When first reading the verses I thought that this could be written about any man in love,, it was only the last line cleverly prepared for two lines earlier that reminded me who the work was about, now religion is a strange world to myself which I suppose is why I decided to read it after taking the blinkers off, I wondered about the irony maybe of his feelings for self gratification whilst teaching and preaching values by which people should live there lives. (just a couple of quick observations)
I read it a couple of times and then just accepted it for what it was, thirty seconds of looking through someone else's window of the world and so I enjoyed it more simply as a love story with the religious aspect put onto the back burner. It had a kind of skill and organisation and I think it managed to portray the feelings of passion, the sort of passion that unfortunately usually only finds a resolution in death.
A good work .
Time to put the blinkers back on!.
Only the living can maybe come together in death, not the dead, the anguish in your words is without doubt and intensely self conscious of you're experiences, I tried to understand through your words the complexity of a situation like that but could only find myself thinking that if only the writer could scale down the references to that last link with there mum and write more than the few brief lines that echoed and described the admiration, love and respect that they felt for her. I am not clever enough for a glossy technical review of your writing, I will say though that It was interesting as most human interest stories are but for me fell short of the images that i think you were trying to create, descriptions such as " ritualistic play" or "human shaped purse that mocked her " " , overpowered the necessary background information and at times clashed with each other.
Whats not in doubt for me is the emotion that lead the writer to write the piece, emotion that can sometimes make the words on the page difficult to come to terms with, I would read more from the author.
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