.Impressive. The information was well presented and flowed smoothly.
Admittedly, being a Sci-fi fan myself, you were preaching to the converted but the inclusion of apt examples and a bibliography (does the essay itself count as a primary source? After all, you are sharing your thoughts and experiences.), and the 'further reading', enticed a wider audience than existing lovers of the genre.
I can see it being the Sci-fi section of a text book entitled 'A Brief History of Genres'. What do you think? Could you do the same for other genre? Whoop, that sounded like a challenge. I think you've got a marketable idea here.
My only complaint – You have left me with the burning need to point out some of the authors, and their foresight, that you missed... but I won't mention Jack. L. Chaulker and the 'Well World' series that turns plausible future science into practical, quantifiable, magic, or, Larry Niven and his many creations. Oh, and I loved 'The Matrix'. I thought the photography was cool and the plot... I've never seen the original Japanese version but I'd love to. The plot is truly unnerving, gives me shudders, as in still does. I can wrap my brain around the idea that – nothing – is real and it gives me the willies.
So, well done, I am very impressed and humbled (obviously). I'll be stopping by again soon.
Honest opinion – that disturbed me and I don’t know why. I agree with you, death is not evil, in fact I believe in euthanasia.
I think you need to break it down into paragraths, as it stands, it was difficult to read. The solid block of text was hard on the eye and I think you need to look at the spacing between sentences.
I hope I am not being offensive but I fiddled with the end to show you what I mean. This way you can ‘see’ the difference. I have pasted the unaltered text below for comparison purposes.
I left most of the '...' but honestly they're annoying. I understand that you are showing a pause and want to emphasize the words but it drove me nuts.
I also forgot myself and started to edit the content a little – SORRY – it wasn’t intentional. I am currently editing a long piece (12,000 words) and I got carried away! I'd start again but it's late, and I'm tierd.
Just my opinion:
suffering the disease and the bloodshed and I could see his pain for the fist time. As he endured through it all. (grammar check does not like this sentence)
He kept our passing as his top priority… to remove us from the world we call life and to give us peace at last... Until the day we stand before our creator... And I said it with despair and sadness, “I forgive you”, and then I wept... I cannot remember how long I cried… Or how long we talked… But I do remember eventually he took my hand and he lifted me to my feet.
“Thank you” he said softly... “Thank you for these words you speak honestly... I feel them and I hold them now... Know that I serve you… I serve all men and I love you each and everyone” and as he turned to leave I cried out “WAIT… please don’t leave” but he was gone.
All except a whisper he left to me upon the wind that echoed for hours as I stared to a far away place “I will return”
I knew we would talk then and he would explain so many things to me. He would not be the thing I hated and despised from my nightmares… no. Death would be my friend… and so I wait.
As do we all… for the friend who will walk us to a place we may or may not dread… He will come… and he will never forget us… not one... For it is his promise to us and to the FATHER above. I wait...
suffering the disease and the bloodshed and I could see his pain for the fist time.. as he endured through it all..he kept our passing as his top priority..to remove us from the world we call life and to give us peace at last..untill the day we stand before our creator... And I said it with despair and sadness..I forgive you..and then I wept... I cannot remember how long I cried..or how long we had even talked..but I do remember eventually he took my hand and he lifted me to my feet. Thank you he said softly...Thank you for these words you speak honestly...I feel them and I hold them now ... Know that I serve you ..I serve all men and I love you each and everyone...and as he turned to leave I cried out WAIT..please dont leave..but he was gone..all except a whisper he left to me upon the wind that echoed for hours as I stared to a far away place...I will return .... and I knew he would..and I knew we would talk then and he would explain so many things to me and he would not be the thing I hated and despised from my nightmares..no...Death...would be my friend..and so I wait..as we all do..for the friend who will walk us to a place we may or may not dread.. but yes he will come..and he will never forget us..not one...for it is his promise to us..and to the FATHER above...and so now ...I wait...
So - you like my dragon? Me too! (LOL)
Good luck with your writing.
That was very clever, I was impressed by you're skill with words. It felt like reading dialogue and ending each line with the 'ate' sound, delivered a bite to each statement.
You created a picture in my mind of a sarcastic, angry woman with hand on hip, ranting in someone’s face.
It reminded me of rap music - the same kind of rhythm.
I don't think you need - (the bitch) - its redundant, we got the idea, it came across loud and clear - well done! Just my opinion, but I think 'That she did fabricate!' is a stronger ending. (?)
I enjoyed your writing style.
The two main characters were believable, three dimensional people. Not sure why seeing the same man twice, would upset him that much though, robe or no robe!
I did not notice any typos but then I was enjoying the story. If you have more, you should write it down!
I really enjoyed your writting, you should finish this story. I hope you get published!
I think I could spot the prose that has been polished for longer and the newer material but that's not a problem just don't do what I do. Get bogged down perfecting part of a story until you lose your inspiration.
Keep typing and finish this.
Plot: They are hidding (maybe), he hopes for a kiss or more but in a nice way. She is leading him on but robs and assaults him.
Writing: It was well written, I could picture the action in my mind. You didn't include any description of the charaters but I didn't miss them.
Over all impression: I enjoyed this. It felt like an excerpt from the middle of a story. Was it the begining? I would have enjoyed reading more.
Take care,
Dianne
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mydragon
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 6:24am on Apr 26, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
