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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mysticdawn
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14 Public Reviews Given
92 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by faeriestone
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Rachel,
A nice, gentle story of the beginnings of a friendship.

Just a couple of suggestions; I think items in bracket would improve your piece if removed.

Para 3

She smiled (from) inside (that) radiating a glow on her face(,) that shone brighter than...

Para 4

She'd (had) or she had decided they were not for her(,) but..

Para 8

'Yes, I(') am.'

Para 12

'I love this place, it's beautiful.'

Also, I couldn't 'hear' Pierre's French accent, he sounds too English. Try translating 'good afternoon' and 'yes' into French.

Hope this helps and keep on writing*Smile*

mysticdawn
2
2
Review of SMS  
Review by faeriestone
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Princess Lydia,

Liked this story, sent a chill down my spine,

Best wishes

Mystic Dawn
3
3
Review of Old One Ear  
Review by faeriestone
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Cynaemon,

What a beautifully story; how I love stories told from an animals' perspective. You have inspired me to try this myself. I first heard of Rainbow Bridge in a comment I received after posting a story of one of the many cats we had during my childhood. What a lovely idea.
Your story also reminded of a recently read book, 'Tailchaser's Song' by Tad Williams. Have you read it?
Anyway, I am giving you 5 stars because I think this is perfect and how can you improve on that?

peace

mysticdawn
4
4
Review by faeriestone
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Diane,

This is an entertaining and informative piece of writing. I particularly like the way you portray Writing.com as a building with different departments identifiable by their colours. This makes it easy for newbies, such as myself, to understand.

I will certainly refer to this piece when I get stuck.

Best wishes

Mysticdawn
5
5
Review of Spill It  
Review by faeriestone
Rated: E | (4.5)
Funny and warm. Well, if anyone did want you dead, this should change their minds. They would surely put themselves in danger,lol.

But you've given me some ideas on how to get out of things I don't like doing.
Great story,

Thanks,

Mystic
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