I like the simplicity of this poem. You capture the essence of a child-like world. I love the last line. I work with children at a science centre, and I think it's tragic how we lose that wonder as we get older. We need to think like children to experience the world in all it's beauty.
I like this because I completely empathise with the feelings you describe. I was going to say understand, but the whole point is that we don't really understand them. Those feelings take over your mind, and you don't know whether to trust them, pursue them, or leave well alone. I like the structure too - the questions and the short lines that reflect the way thoughts form in my head. As if I always want someone to ask, but can't quite get the words sorted out.
When you reviewed a piece of mine, I was keen to return the favour, and I'm certainly not disappointed. I love this. It's so true and heartfelt. I think a lot of us would like to forget our guilt and go back to what was before. Regret for things we never meant to do. And something small that represents home. Thank you.
I just found this at random, and I'm glad I did. It's lovely. It seems simple, but I look again and it's not. You describe someone I would try to be, and I hope someone might say those things of me. It's almost a confusion of the feelings you want to express. It needs no review, but I wanted to say something anyway. Thank you.
I really like this poem. It's a great truth that we can't put labels on people and expect them to be accurate. I had some related thoughts if you'd like to read something on a similar subject, see "The Mask" in my portfolio. Thanks for a good read, Naomi
Thanks for your comments. Your poem goes deeper into the events of Good Friday. I particularly like the changes of perspective - Mary, you in the crowd. I used free verse to avoid sounding too artificial for the sake of a rhyme, which I think you sometimes fall victim to here. Splitting lines between verses sometimes overemphasises this a bit. But you create a very powerful scene and reach the heart of the events of Holy Week.
I'm drawn in by the sentiment and story behind this piece. I have often wondered what I would do if I knew my time was near. I like the description and the reality behind the words you use. I think if I was writing it I would have reached deeper into the feeling and the thoughts going through his mind, but I think it's very effective because you show how he's avoiding thinking too hard about what is to come.
Not too sure what to make of this. An interesting read. A shame about the spelling (or typos) in places. I don't particularly agree with the sentiments expressed in the piece, but without knowing your thoughts or intentions on writing it, that's pretty irrelevant. Anyway, it makes for an atmospheric read and gives the reader something to think about.
A lovely, heartfelt little piece. I find that you sometimes say the same thing twice in different ways, and sometimes the phrasing is a little awkward. But generally it's really lovely.
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