This story seemed to me to be quite vivid in its bleakness and imaginativeness. I felt like I could see the destroyed world from the point of view of the main character. The fact that that person was a zombie makes it even more bleak and imaginative. I liked the way it was short and to the point. Good job.
I enjoyed this work. It reminded me of the author Neil Gaiman's work; mythological, lighthearted, imaginative, and entertaining.
If I were you, I would write dialogue sentences more this way: "What of it?" repeated Thor. Rather than "What of it?" Repeated Thor.
I liked the ending a lot. Thank you for sharing this.
I think that this story was an ambitious project. I found the story somewhat exciting. I liked the use of period gangster slang. I thought that it should probably be edited more to fix some of the grammar and word usages. There are mistakes such as this typo:
Hopefully, for everyone else sake, the meeting would go as he planned.
It should read "for everyone else's sake." Something else that looks like a mistake is this sentence:
Here is another sentence from your work:
He couldn't believe that he'd finally did it.
It should probably read "He couldn't believe that he'd finally done it." There were a lot of what seemed like errors similar to that I think. Still, the story was entertaining and easy to read. Thanks for sharing it.
This type of story - a Microfiction as you call it - is very interesting, and it was nice to see a good example of it. It's interesting to see the value of a work that is very short. You demonstrated that it can be exciting and attractive.
I think this was a well executed story, told in an engaging way. I liked the way that the relationships of the three friends were illustrated. I am impressed that you went through the trouble of attaching a very interesting illustration to go along with the work. There was certainly a lot of horror in this work. I guess in the horror genre that is an accomplishment. Good job writing this creative work.
I like this story. My favorite part was the attractive descriptive language and metaphors. Something about this story struck me as distinctly feminine. I guess it was the focus on emotions. I like the opening sentence because it is very unusual and interesting.
I liked that story. It drew attention to the widespread problem of child sexual abuse, and also to the way that people tend to just look the other way or blame the victim. I thought it was intelligently written and nicely descriptive.
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