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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Cherish Now  
Review by Nick Johnson
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Fyn,
I read your piece as a random read and have no back ground in poetry so take my feedback with a grain of salt because there is a good chance I have no idea what I'm talking about.
I think writing about anger. with the desire to exress that anger, can be a double edged sword because it is easy to slip into the dangerous territory of expressing that anger "at" and not "to" you reader. This piece felt like it has both and maybe it is meant to, but as the reader I can't say that I want to be scolded. If that makes sense. It is a interesting topic, the nature of life and its value, and you keep from cliches which is great, but this piece seems to flail and intenionally or not, hits the reader a bit too hard.
Thanks for the read,
Nick
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Review by Nick Johnson
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Bscholl,
Read your piece as a random selection. A fun little number with no real suprises but enough humor to carry it through. Flash isn't really my cup of tea so take everything with a grain of salt. I think if you wanted to maximize the impact of a limited word count, you could look at some of your descriptive choices. Instead of green, he's dressed in emerald. instead of magic it could be enchantments. Little things to make it pop. Otherwise it does what it is meant to do and does it effectively.
Nice work.
Thanks for the read,
Nick
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Review of Faded  
Review by Nick Johnson
Rated: E
Hi Pat,
Just read your piece as a random read and thought I would share my thoughts. I have no back ground in poetry so take my feedback with a grain of salt... there is a good chance I have no idea what I'm talking about. First impression, the first three lines grab my interest. Good imagery of a house with faded paint and the symbolism that goes with... fourth line loses me. I think it's just to cliche or what I think is cliche for poetry. The remainder of the poem tries to fight its way back and (again, may not know what I'm talking about) is strong with only "Depression" and "Encouragement" being too heavy handed for what is otherwise deft. The last line is also maybe a bit of a dead horse.
Overall, I like it. The idea of sun faded colors sticks in my mind. Finding different ways to express certain thoughts may help with the off after taste.
Thanks for the read,
Nick Johnson
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