This seems to be one of the more engaging sci-fi tales if found lately but, chapter three makes me think I've missed a lot. I think this is one I'd like to read through from the beginning. Is this story available for purchase in its completed form? If so I'd like to buy a copy, as I did with The Hounds of Hollenbeck.
I like the self-confidence which shows through your writing and I admire you for describing yourself as "woke" but frankly, to some of us who do not know everything attempts to tell everyone what to do comes across as more braggartly than helpful.
You did make your points well. You are clearly a skilled writer.
In admiration for your skill but, in utter disagreement.
I read your engaging piece and found the descriptions of your experiences interesting, but recognized that I do not have the courage to view my own misspent youth with such candor.
I admire your determination to enlighten the current generation about the consequences of trying to take shortcuts to a successful future.
Delightful, how you've taken on the role;
a five-year-old's conveyance of this tale.
We’re forced to think of things that you must oust
which children will not utter in their rail.
Examples shown, give each of us a chance,
to visualize the actor in full force.
Secure in knowing we could never dance,
with children’s dialogue unreal or worse.
Thank you for this trip to writing school,
the points you made are right, and they are cool.
When Jesus gave Peter the show
He learned all the things he should know
That coin from the fish
was all he could wish
His tax rate, though, surely would grow.
No nits to be picked with this tale
Our friend here takes charge without fail
The limerick I hear
Leaves plenty to cheer
But pay it or quickly turn tail
Today could not get any worse.
Is that key to decipher this verse?
On Saturday morn
When fates choose to warn
that his plans better take a revers
A coyote, known only as Wiley
sometimes gets away with things slyly
The needle poked sole in this tale
finds grief everywhere, without fail
and holsters pianos quite drily
No road-runner her for relief
so we're left to ponder belief
Is there something to do that's remote?
Even buttons fell off of his coat.
No mercy for this soul, just grief.
Those of us who have experienced such a loss can all identify with the perspective of this excellent verse. How many times have we seen something interesting and been overwhelmed with the thought "I've got to tell ........ about this!" followed by another round of tears when reality catches up.
As happens when determination rules
The yoyo phase flames out. My, that was brief.
It's time to smile at all those dreaming fools
dead sure that they are turning a new leaf.
But, when the growling limbo steals the show
There starts a mad dash down another track.
This time the fiddle plays a tune we know
Emotions exit to the trash out back.
When all the strength and courage ebbs away
should we now face the music? No, we ran
with broken promise lost for one more day
all hope tossed, with the wrappers, in the can.
So when we see temptation gathering round
the snake takes to the grass, where it's not found.
As one of the ancients, I felt as if you were honoring me as you honored Grannie's subtle but powerful message she left behind. Drawing me into your story so completely is an example of a reader becoming too involved to put it down.
Breath bated in suspense, we read and wait
for all the bits and snags to find their place.
The story of perfection on the slate
But nothing comes along to spoil the grace.
You’ve shown us step by step and gentle sigh,
the life-force being served; no need for hope.
Your muse has stirred our souls and we see why,
how God laid down the path, so we can cope.
You've grabbed my muse and shook him to the core
with thoughts of bats and owls and other things
Enchanted power smiles and gives us more.
What is that other one, the one that sings?
But, even at the midnight hour's stroke
No hesitation holds a moment's sway.
There moves the blur of comedy to cloak
the thought of hummingbirds in night-time play
Now is it true denouement at the end
or do we hold the line by just a thread?
We watch bees, as they sneak past the bend
and though the moonlight fades, it is not dead
While laugh lines give a little sweet relief,
We're caught by this one's message, although brief.
From a guy's point of view, I understand completely. It is something every woman we encounter demands. She says that we must do things her way and let her do things her way. And in addition, the guy must tolerate whatever outrageous behavior she wants to engage in.
Thank you for showing us this large chunk of Chapter 4 of your book, which you assure us is coming later this year.
Those of us who were fortunate enough to miss out on the Job Corp learned a bit about the folly of government programs, whose planners think they know everything and are insistent on using their superior thinking power to plan everything for everyone.
I appreciate the effort you had to put forth to build this large chunk.
There is always an interesting twist to these flash yarns of yours. This one gives us a particularly meaningful image. The next segment of your character's day is going to be worthy of another flash. I wonder what we'll learn in the twist that wraps it up. Will it be that Mom actually left Dad?
No nits to be picked with this piece
comparisons though gotta cease
If we trust another to say
what is good at the end of the day
Our own self-respect may decrease
As always quick judgments are flawed
The choosers have scratched and they’ve clawed
A good one is lost
at very great cost
a practice that should be outlawed
At times, when reading in a perspective 0pther than our own, we find some of the most powerful and meaningful lines in all of literature. In this piece, we find "And most of all, I will be grateful and thankful and relieved that there is someone with you who can."
Thank you for sharing that jealousy busting perspective.
I want some of that old-age medication. I may not prevent old age but it's clear that it helps one's hearing. He hears so well that he can hear sounds that don't even exist. You have quite a story here. Although, I don't think I want to join them with bricks falling all around them.
It isn’t very often that we see
A horror story on such solid ground
In it, you've found a way to show that we
can be swept up by what is all around.
You point to Molly's issues as if real,
and feeble as the soil beneath our feet.
The demons you describe attack with zeal
and even desecrate her last retreat.
Some claim we’ve ruined the world with such rough stuff,
But don’t believe a bit of it is true.
For all the terror, wrought is not enough,
to shake the solid tale in what you do.
Dialogue alone, as lines are said,
Convinced us all that Momma, is now dead.
There are valid reasons, I hear,
for Juneteenth to garner a cheer.
An end to a time which is dead;
reminders of it we now dread,
and for some, it can bring forth a tear.
But, Juneteenth is special to me
and Mom; it's my birthday, you see.
She suffered the pain;
I amassed all the gain
and I started out life being free
I feel inspired to write something meaningful in response to such words of wisdom. Is it Biblical? Perhaps I can work up the energy to compose a sonnet for each of your
Quotes and Words of Wisdom posts. That would be quite an accomplishment but, well worth the effort.
Reading this segment a second time, I've seen even more potential than I did the first time 'round. Both Cecily and Lillia are developing into very interesting characters. They each have the possibility to provide threads of action independently and take the story to new paths.
What a story to tell, in under three hundred words. You let the situation build and yet you showed the progression of Alzheimer’s disease enough detail to make the story plausible and bring us to a tear as Carla is faced with the toughest decision any of us will have to make.
Nicely done.
Norbanus
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/norbanus/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.63 seconds at 6:04am on May 24, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
