It's Fruanc again. Lovr this story the suspenceful begining and followed by the thriller ride of ambush and death. It was fantasticly graphic, you might do a bit more on the facial details of some of the hunters who didn't survive. but I loved the ambush part especially. The sereal moment that charlie had when he saw the first wolfy die (-_-) followed by his body reacting to his training. Also his training descriptions likeboot camp sort of. and the part with the old codger getting turned into dog food in chapter one so real like I can actually see it from the old guys perspective the description of how he dies it put's the reader into the position of the old guy as he's killed. God I hope I didnt' shoot a cow. Lol and then, Crunch, oh and the bit about indian belief that steam leaving stabbed body in winter being it's spirit leaving very interesting too. I dunno maybe I just got a good minds eye but I can see what charlies seeing his surroundings as he's on the hunt it's so graphic but it's visible too. the night forest th spot light shining about the gunners waiting with the big vietnam guns. The carmeled haloween candied apple description while extremly gorey is extremely cool (^-^) makes me think of candied apple too red ones with a lot of meat on them befor you get to the core (<_>) whoa bad image... also the way you end it with charlies little revalation about apple juice and blood, Talk about good closure tell me is there more to this gruesome story. Are the were wolves Intelectuals perhaps??? Is charlie going to be made into one. That would be so cool him switching sides and suddenly seeing from a whole new point of view. maybe he could have a budy who gets turned and then spares charlie trying to convince him that fighting isn't the only option only for charlie or some one else to kill that werewolf and then for charlie to become a were wolf and see that his friend was right. that wouldbe so cool. of course these are only sugestions and you will do what you will do only try to give Ideas here. So keep writing plz review some of mine and you know reviews and stuff. and please no one liners I need questions to make my work better and so do others. until then keep up the gory fantastcly graphic work.
Lea huh, well I guess it fits, as for the goddesses part how did Corr come to serve luna, was he changed by dark wolves, is there a choice between which you become is there a choice in becomeing a wolf or not, can you fight off the change is it effected by moon phases, do these goddesses have a relation to each other like sisters does their power wax and wain with the moons phases, was corr a dark wolf for a time is there the ability to go between darkness and light it would seem that the dark goddess would allow you to serve her only once and forever, and if you left her for the light and later returned you'd be rejected for betrayaul or made to under go a terrible trial or prove by a wicked deed that you were one of hers again are there other dieties, can you serve niether, is there a way to kill them, or reduce them to nothing. are they like the force from star wars, by which I meen is the light godess virtue and the dark vice, is it yin and yang water and fire, air and earth, opposites etc etc etc... or something else,
and if there are those who serve niether and if you can kill dieties or reduce them to nothing, are there those among the non subserviant that are trying to kill these godesses.
Sorry for going off on you like this with these questions and all but I find it's how I learn or how new facets of a story imerge and how I as a writer get around writer block so hope my questions help....
you have definitly got the style that you're going with down to a science, all seeing eye of the main characters a most succesful style as tolkien and others have proven. but any way keep writing you might have something here but don't forget to write some histroy people like to know the origins of there favorite characters. maybe just reveal snippits as you've been doing of the past it will all make sence if a person reads on...
Wow, I am impressed. the way you write is so fast pace. As to your story I think the transfers from Corr's different territories could use a bit more visaul, is it a mountain range he's located in or no is it high or low grounds rocky terain or not. forested obviously but... I don't know it seems to be wanting for some or other in way of location. as for the character of Corr, He's got a compationit side, feeling for the girl who's just been infected, is she going to become his pack, is there a villan behind the alteration of her, where's she from what's her name was she decieved into going with them was she related to them. There is so much potentaul here for a good story, and your style of writing could easily take it far.
I myself have recently posted a piece of my own creation called Seven Years Later, please read it and give me some feed back too thanks
great piece by the way and by attack form I asume you mean a enhanced wolf or the splicing of the human and the wolf to create a werewolf with human body and wolfen paws head tail etc...
as for the elemental magic.... I like it, But it might make Corr seem more vulnerable if he had to duke it out with the second wolf, maybe the the frozen tree catches the wolfs tail pinning him in place and then Corr kills but way of tearing out of throat taking a minor injury of his own, the magic just seems a bit to fast an ending for both of them...
well good luck with your writing please review mine and get back to me on it.
Sincerly
Fruanc J. H.
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