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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pavlovscats
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Review of The Traveler  
Review by pavlovscats
Rated: E | (4.5)
First of all, thanks for sharing your writing with the community. I came across this story in the sci-fi category.

What I liked: I love time travel stories, particularly ones that show us the near future. In this story, I really liked how you described smartphones from the perspective of someone who's never seen them before. I also like the inclusion of people who have surgically altered their appearances because that does happen today, and I could see it potentially becoming more popular in the future. Also, the imagery was great; I could really picture myself in the setting.

Spelling/Grammar: I only saw one error here, probably a typo. In the fourth paragraph, you have "...and gripped the arms off his seat." Off should be of. I found no other technical errors.

Suggestions for improvement: For me, I feel like the story was a little too far removed from how life is now. I think it would be more interesting if it incorporated more things that we are familiar with today in 2015, but taken to the extreme. I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to do with the sports advertisement or not, but I think the guy who covered his face in excrement might be a little much.

Final comments: This reminded me to an extent of the movie Idiocracy (which I love), and I would love to read more about this world. Keep up the good work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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