This is very good. It appeals to my own personal taste in poetry. I like how you add a story onto the concept instead of the other way around. As such, the ambulance taking away an unknown victim serves as an example of the frailty of life, and the often impersonal disinterest displayed by the casual observer of a tragedy. Personally, the line "where tragedy lurks like a latent virus" spoke volumes to me, as it both implied inevitability and the underlying malice of misfortune. But then again, I could be over-reading it.
Still, well written, appeals to my taste well. My style is somewhat similar. Though my poems are not quite as developed in someways, feel free to check them out if you like. I just joined today, so I have no clue how to send them to you. But my username is Argus if that helps.
You obviously have a talent for imagery. Also, your personification of guilt was particularly effective. Also, your character depth is surprisingly complex and distinct. I think that this could definitely develop into a published work. The way your characters are set up, it makes me wish you would write a book. Character development is always paramount to becoming a good writer.
powerful pathos, very relatable to anyone who has had to go through a tough breakup. The imagery especially in the second to last stanza is very moving.
I didn't see a syllabic pattern, but if it is freestyle, all the better. A tip that I learned from a friend that I use whenever I write poetry is that I try taking a second-long break at the end of each line. Apparently, readers usually take a split second to re-adjust their focus on the next line. By slowing your self down, you can check to make sure that the poem stays fluid and almost musical.
I hope your experience proves to be one you grow and learn from. Though such experiences usually prove to be the most painful, it is in those situations that our passion and creativity is the least bound by society's condemnation of all things unconventional.
You're hitting some very relevant themes here, and I like the general tone of the poem. Also, the question title, answer syntax is really well used in this instance. Good usage of literary tools for the specific theme.
A few small grammar mistakes in there like "is it [to] own [a] house..." I don't know if that was taken out for syllabic requirements or overlooked. Either way, it should be easy to fix up a little.
Last of all, a suggestion. Personally I like either whole structure, or whole chaos. Meaning that I like free style poetry, but when I conform to a poetical structure I conform to it completely. To fill this requirement you would have to fix the own and soul rhymes, so that they fit with the rest of the stanzas.
This piece really appeals to me as far as content and tone. I do feel a similar foreboding and regret for a lacking idealism in the world. Many times while reading your piece I found myself unconsciously nodding my head. You had a very compelling argument that appealed to your audience rather than lecturing them.
One thing I noticed, and it is very very small so I may even be imagining it, but it seems that your article has a bit of a tone change immediately after you're atom bomb example where you were talking about scare tactics. I think it may be the rapid transition to frequently using the word I, but again, I'm not sure. Lol, I am such a constructive criticism fail.
Anyways, great content and argument. You might want to start looking into realist, liberalist, and constructivist arguments for international relations, if you haven't already. It really falls into the argument that you are making. That, combined with theories like prisoners dilemma and security dilemma, could help you develop your argument even further along this line of thought. Anyways, great work, keep it up.
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