The problem is that this kind of thing doesn't stand on its' own, at least not in prose. I suggest that you look at some of the many styles of poetry & vent this sort of creative flow into the type you enjoy most. Try to avoid free verse because it is MUCH too easy to write pure junk in that form.
When you write prose, STOP trying to be some weird hybrid of Jack Kerouac and Tom Wolfe. You'd be much better off being an original you than a bad copy of two other writers.
"It doesn't matter what you write, what you believe will show through."
Sinclair Lewis
The PUNishment about Waterloo & reign doesn't deserve repeating in the 4th paragraph.
KEEP WRITING
Capt.Ahab AKA Paul
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There is some interesting verbal imagery here.
The problem is that this kind of thing doesn't stand on its' own, at least not in prose. I suggest that you look at some of the many styles of poetry & vent this sort of creative flow into the type you enjoy most. Try to avoid free verse because it is MUCH too easy to write pure junk in that form.
When you write prose, STOP trying to be some weird hybrid of Jack Kerouac and Tom Wolfe. You'd be much better off being an original you than a bad copy of two other writers.
The PUNishment about Waterloo & reign doesn't deserve repeating in the 4th paragraph.