*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/penguin__ninja
Review Requests: OFF
8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by RachelB
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This was such a fun read and I'm wondering what's going to happen next. I like the difference in characters and I liked how you had Tyler look around the cafeteria to see kids doing different things.

What I would suggest is that this section is a little shorter. Maybe a quick summary of what's happening with a few lines here and there from the other characters. I don't have any problem with the grammar and I love that you've kept some of the childish language within your story. Sometimes people have a habit of having the children speak too old or young and you've done a good job of keeping their voices normal.

If they're supposed to be ten year olds though, would Tyler use the word "Adolescence." I feel like this is a little old for him. Maybe "teen" would be better because I don't think even teenagers refer to it as adolescence themselves too often.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/penguin__ninja