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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Kinkaid's Heir  
for entry "Chapter Five:" 
Review by pkpass
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You didn't let us down in chapters 3-5 and have kept it interesting. In chapter 3 she keeps it formal and calls him Mr. Bowen most of the time, but once where she calls him Allen. How did she know the name, and why the change from formal? There is a few spelling errors and a few places that don't read as easy as the rest. But hope that you keep going? It is well rounded and still has the mystery of what the incident was, will Lydia play a part in the future,and if her past or his old relationships will cause them to go there own ways.
2
2
Review of Kinkaid's Heir  
for entry "Chapter Two:" 
Review by pkpass
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
it is easy to read and still interesting. As you try to figure out what the incident might be, why she changed her name and what secrets she is hiding in her past. With these two chapters you let us feel that maybe it will be Sarah and Dean who will end up together but both will have to over come things. Her past, and the way he is with women. But you still have Lydia and the way she acts that could cause problems. This chapter seemed easier to read. I was a little confused at first, it feels like they are inside the clinic the way you are describing it then you have her re-entering it. Did I miss when she went out, or were they outside during the first four paragraphs? Also is there a way to change the sentence -I have to admit it does look pretty good Sarah admitted to herself.- So it flows better an idea is Sarah admitted to herself it does look pretty good (and then maybe give us an idea of the expression on her face of some type of body language. This is only a suggestion as there are still more chapters to read.
It is good and you want to keep reading it.
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3
Review of Kinkaid's Heir  
for entry "Chapter One:" 
Review by pkpass
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Chapter one is interesting, you have given us a good idea of what Dean is like and Lydia who we get the feeling will be two of the main people in the story. And if Dean's life style with women will lead him into a problem he doesn't want. You also let us know about Allen although he doesn't say anything his actions do all the talking for him.
I think in the last paragraph you want bales of hay, spell check always seems to miss some things. Also did you want it that she had called him at home and cell, or at home or cell. For the most part is it very interesting and well rounded and I can't wait to read chapter two.
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