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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Greedy King  
Review by Randomwriter
Rated: E | (3.0)
I do like the poem and found it very entertaining however your measure seems a little forced in areas and uneven. I have a couple recommendations:
"He’d sit in his tower of cold, grey stone,
And count his money all alone.
He’d count it every day at least,
If money were food, he’d have quite a feast."
The two middle stanzas are shorter then the rest of the poem and slightly repetitious. "He'd sit in his tower of cold, grey stone, Surrounded by riches yet all alone." This lengthens the second stanza and also gives more variety.
"He just had to know how much he had got."
this line is a little clumsy perhaps something like "He just had to know; how much gold in his pot?" might help it out.
Overall I did enjoy the poem but in future I'd pay close attention to your syllable count. Poetry relies heavily on the ebb and flow of the words. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to your future work. :D
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Review of FOREVER  
Review by Randomwriter
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, this is great! Your words flow nicely and sound elegant. I almost wonder if this is how the Tardis feels sometimes. A machine yet somehow alive capable of understanding yet unable to express it. Anyway this was lovely and gave me a lot of cause to think.
I enjoy your word choice it's very precise and purposeful, it of course had a few words that didn't seem to fit right but much better then anything I could have done. If I were to give any recommendation it would be to make this longer!! I wanted to keep reading =D Hope to read more of your work in the future and thanks for sharing!
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Review of Push  
Review by Randomwriter
Rated: E | (4.0)
Everything in this suggests present tense therefore I believe changing 'could' to can would work better here and it will not change the syllable count. I like the pattern though 4-3-5-2 is a surprisingly pleasant measure.
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