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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rdoherty789
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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by HunterDoherty
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow. You were really able to sweep me into this new world skillfully. I was completely transfixed toward the end.

Only if it helps, I did notice that there were a couple of places toward the beginning where you could cut out some words that start to seem repetitive without hurting the flow of your story. By paragraph 4, I think you may not need to go into as much depth as "flying tree to tree, branch to branch". But, really, I am amazed at how you were able to paint a picture of this new world so easily and fluidly.
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Review by HunterDoherty
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love how you started this story. It is very engaging. The dialogue could use some work. I was lost (in a good way) in what was happening in the first paragraph or two, and then the dialogue brought me back to. I also think that you can edit some of the paragraph about knights training.
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