This is a good poem that shows a great appreciation for someone, or someones as the case may be. The title of the poem fits the poem well.
The rhymes you use are fresh and right on. Good work.
I found one spelling error in the following line: "When my mind starts to wonder."...wonder should be (wander)
The poem flows smoothly with the exception of the 4th stanza in which the lines feel forced, and are a bit too long for smooth flow of the poem.
Suggestions: "You are what makes me rise each morning"
Maybe...You are what makes me rise each day "When sometimes I feel I can't go on."
Maybe...When I feel I can't go on...(When) carries a connotation of (sometimes)
You have the same problem in stanza 5 with the following line: "You are what is the light of my life."
Maybe...You are the light of my life.
Remember, these are only my observations, and my suggestions. Use them or lose them as you see fit.
My favorite part of the poem is:
"You are what makes me smile
When the day has been too long.
You are what my ears listen for
When I need a cheerful song."...The joy that family can bring us is immeasurable. Very descriptive, and very true. Good Job!
Overall Impressions:
Very Good Job! You handle emotions well in your poetry.
Keep writing!
Rob
I think you have captured the heart of teaching in this poem. I love the way you begin each stanza of this poem: "To teach is to" It lets the reader know a knew facet of teaching joy is coming.
The title fits the poem perfectly.
The poem is clear and concise, and for the most part flows smoothly.
My favorite part is:
"To teach is to touch
the heart of a child
To know it's all worth it
when one child has smiled."
Suggestions: Stanza 4
"So when they leave them"... you might consider replacing (them) with (kids) to make the meaning of the line a little more clear to the reader. Stanza 5
"To show these children love"...you might consider omitting (these) as this line is a little long for smooth flow.
Remember, the suggestions are merely my observations and opinions. Take them or leave them as your choice may be.
You have followed the Fibonacci form perfectly. The title fits this poem perfectly.
I found no spelling or grammar errors.
This is a powerful but poignant poem that is often too true even in our era. It seems we cannot learn from the past that racism is a deadly sin not to be repeated due to the harm it causes. You remind us just how awful the truth of racism is.
Suggestions: Place a comma after demand. Just my opinion, take it or leave it.
Overall impressions: Excellent writing, and excellent use of the poetic form chosen.
Good writing!
Keep the pen to the paper!
Rob
I see you love the use of Free Verse, and I like to see that. Not many people actually know how to write Free Verse Poetry correctly. You handle the form perfectly. The title of this poem fits perfectly.
I found no spelling or grammar errors.
Every word in this poem seems to be well thought out for maximum impact.
Suggestions: None
My favorite part is: The whole poem. It reminds me of one of David's prayer Psalms.
Overall impressions: Very Good indeed. I think we should all desire to be taken more fully into God's grasp, and be willing to live according to God's ways as you have so well reminded us through this poem.
Good Work!
Rob
I guess I will have to class this as a Free Verse Poem also. You start out with rhyme, go to Free Verse, and back to Rhyme at the end of the poem. This is a fresh way of looking at just who the unknown soldier is. You remind us that the 18 year old boy next door to where we live could easily become the next "Unknown Soldier."
The title fits the poem.
I found no spelling or grammar errors, and the punctuation is well done.
The imagery you use suits the content of the poem.
My favorite part is:
"Father, dear father what is this feeling?
The pain in my chest seems to burn deep within.
Father, dear father why is it so cold?
Can you no longer hear my anguished cries?"...This is very descriptive and allows us to see the ugly side of death from the soldier's viewpoint.
Suggestions: None.
Overall impressions: Very good poem, this is a powerful.
Very Good Job!
Rob
I love reading people's tributes. When you write about someone you love, it's easy to see the emotion that gets poured on to the paper beneath the pen, this tribute is no different. I found no spelling or grammar errors.
The title of the poem fits very well as the poem allows us to see your Daddy for who he is. The poem is very descriptive. Good Work.
I have a few suggestions for punctuation changes. Remember, these are merely my observations, use them or lose them as you see fit. Paragraph 1
1. Line 1...comma (,) after called.
2. Line 2...remove the comma and the period.
3. Line 5...remove the comma after (days), and add one after simple.
4. Line 6...remove the comma after (school), and add one behind cars.
Paragraph 2
1. Line 1...comma (,) after called.
2. Line 2...remove the comma
3. Line 4...remove the comma after (time), and add one after books.
4. Line 5...add a period after impressed.
5. Line 6...remove the comma after (me), and add one after magic. I think Magic is a typo, should be magic.
Paragraph 3
1. Line 1...comma (,) after called.
2. Line 2...remove the comma.
3. Line 3...add a comma after world.
4. Line 5...add a period after stars.
Paragraph 4
1. Line 1...comma (,) after called.
2. Line 2...remove the comma.
3. Line 5...add a period after be.
4. Line 6...Consider adding (are) after books, add a comma after shadow.
Paragraph 5
1. Line 1...comma (,) after called.
2. Line 2...remove the comma, and add a period after pride.
3. Line 3...comma after someday.
4. Line 7...comma after day
5. Line 8...remove the comma after mine, and add a comma after pride.
Remember, just my observations as I read it out loud. Use them or lose them. Either way, they don't take away from the meaning in this poem.
I love the repetition of the first two lines in each stanza, and I also think they add just the right emphasis at the end of the poem.
Over all impression: This is a very good Free Verse Poem. You have honored the poetic form by following it perfectly, and you have definitely honored your father. This is one teriffic tribute.
Rob
Kiya,
Unless I am mistaken, the Boonstra is written beginning with a line of 11 words, decreasing in number of words in each line. If I am not mistaken, the third line in the Boonstra should consist of 9 words. It seems you have missed one line in this poem.
That being said, you have followed the form in content. The Title of the poem fits the poem itself very well.
I found no spelling or grammar errors.
The poem is written about functions of the brain. Good work on that.
I found the poem to be very descriptive, it is concise as the form calls for, and it is very clear in content.
Suggestions: Find the 9 word line and put it back in place to make the form complete.
Over all impressions: Very Nice Job!
Keep Writing.
Rob
And your only a teenager. You have some pretty deep thought in this. I think if you were to add some capitalization where it needs to be, like (I), and at the start of the sentences, and add punctuation at the end of the sentences, this would be much better. When you have the correct punctuation and capitalization a story not only looks better, but it is easier to read for some people too. With that said, My favorite part is:
"we are here we are put on earth to serve God not to worry about what the society thinks of us because in truth it doesnt really matter."...This is very true. Good work. I think you did a real good job at this, and with the changes I suggested, it's going to be much better.
Keep Writing!
Rob
Nice Job Gigie 1. I found no errors. 2. The story follows the 55 word limit. 3. I have no suggestions and it's so short it's hard to pick a favorite. Overall impression: Good Job!
Rob
Wow! Unexpected ending. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the story very well. 3. The story is clear, easy to understand and follows the prompt. 4. My favorite part is the unexpected twist ingoing to Mexico with the baby. 5. Suggestions: None. 6. Overall impression. Very good job.
Rob
Very interesting poem, I can't say that I've ever seen one written this way. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title definitely fits the poem. 3. The poem is clear and concise. 4. Suggestions: I found a couple of lines seemed a little long for smooth flow such as: "So this little tale is for parents everywhere
Love and cherish your kids; those moments you share" 5. Overall impression: very good job.
Rob
Good Job Gigie, 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the poem. 3. I only have one suggestion. I found a couple of the lines seemed a little too long such as the following: "Well baby, that nose ring just got caught" 4. Overall impressions: Good Job!
Rob
This is a cute story. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits. 3. My favorite part is:
"As my eyes slowly opened, I see those frightening, gleaming fangs. I have come to the end of the road. The vampire has outwitted me at my own game." Unexpected twists, got to love them. 4. Suggestions: I have none. 5. Overall impression: Very Good Job.
Rob
Maybe I should start writing Acrostics. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title definitely fits the poem. 3. My favorite part: It's Friday baby! 4. Suggestions: None that I can think of. 5. Overall impressions: Very Nice Job.
Good Work.
Rob
Very sad and poignant story. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors, however; I did find a typo in the following line:
"My mother took care or her while Dad helped around with the farming chores."...should it be mother took care (of)?
{e:star2. The plot is well thought out and the title fits the story. 3. My favorite part is: the whole thing, good job. 3. Suggestions: I have none.
{e:star}Over all impressions: Very Good Job.
Rob
Nice story Gigie, 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the story. 3. The story keeps the readers interest and is paced very well. 4. My favorite part is: "She was shaking like one of those yappy little lap dogs that dames like so much. I managed to calm her down and get the rest of the story. This is very discriptive, you can see the poor gal shaking. 5. I only have one suggestion. There is a lot more descriptive writing about secondary characters than about the main characters. Might be good to give them some descriptive attention. Just a suggestion, take it or leave it. 6. Over all impression: Very well written.
Good Job.
Rob
Geee. Witchy, I didn't think ya had it in YA. 1. I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the poem as the spirits are definitely covered. 3. The poem has a very smooth flow to it, nice rhythm. 4. You use imagery very well in this poem. 5. My favorite part is:
{c"red}"We garnished each branch like a fat Christmas pig
The angel on top, still needed a wig" My suggestions are: keep it just the waay it is.
Good Job!
Rob
I think you did a great job on this story. The ending was unexpected which is always a plus. I found no errors i spelling or grammar, and the story keeps you interested as to what will eventually happen.
Good job!
Rob
Wow! This is a beautiful piece.
*red*1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the poem very well. 3. The poem is clear and concise. 4. The poem flows very smoothly 5. I did find one typo, it's in stanza 4, the following line:
"And if not this, than nothing more,"...I think than should be (then). 6. My favorite part of this poem is:
"For time of death is not foretold
But still I wish, while growing old,
That I at least would have a say,
In whether it was night or day."...Kind of says it all for all of us I think.
Very good job!
Rob
I think this is a good piece that is waiting for continuation. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. I'm not sure the title fits the story but it would make for a good write. 3. The last sentence of paragraph one could use a comma (,) after drizzle, and I think it would be better if at the end of the paragraph you would add (Clouds) to the sentence. Some people look at Cumulonimbus and wonder what in the world is being talked about, this is definitely true for younger readers. 4. The only other thing I can think of is the fact that what you have written, even though it's good, it is begging for more to be written to make it complete.
Good Writing!
Remember, these are just my observations and my thoughts. You can use them or discard them as you see fit.
Keep on Writing!
Rob
Kate,
You were right. this form fit this poem absolutely perfect, or should I say, this poem fit the form absolutely perfect. 1. The title fits the poem very well. 2. You followed the rules for this form of poetry beautifully. 3. Each word seems to have been chosen very carefully. The transition from one form to another is unforced, and seems as natural as writing a poem in one form. Nice job on your transitions. 4. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 5. Your imagery is beautiful. You paint a rythemed picture for your reader. 6. Try as I may to pick a favorite part, I can't. Each time I try to pick a part that stands out, I find myself reading the poem in its entirety.
This is an absolutely beautiful Dorsimbra. Somehow I have a feeling we'll be seeing some more of these from you in the future.
Great Job!
Rob
Great Poem. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the poem very well. 3. The punctuation is well done and aids the poem in smooth flow. 4. Each word is carefully chosen to maximize the meaning of each line. 5. My favorite part of the poem is:
"Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;"...This really is what it seems like in our day and age. Certain things lead you onward and upward, but then there is reality, and that can bring you down reall quick.
I found absolutely nothing wrong with this poem. Good Job!
Rob
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