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76
76
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi turtlemoon. I was looking through the contest and decided to do some reviews. You are lucky number one.

1. The Title fits the poem nicely, and it catches the reader's attention drawing them into the poem.

2. Your rhymes seem natural and unforced, good job.

3. I'm not sure of the form you have used as to whether or not there should be a syllable count, but due to some wordiness in some of the sentences the poem seems a little rough to read aloud. Particularly this line in the first stanza:
"I heard you claim I forever tug the shirt-tails of your soul,"
and this line in the second stanza:
"Long gone the steamy embraces; never again to be kissed."
I'm not sure whether it's the meter, or the wording that is catching me up. The rest of the lines work nicely.

4. Sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation are nicely done throughout the poem. Good job.

5. My favorite part of the poem is:
"One alabaster moon watched over us in our separate places.
Same lunar light tonight traces past love on our senior faces."
The imagery in these lines coupled with the sentiment are a perfect way to end this poem.

Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions. Use them or lose them as you see fit. Overall, good job. Keep on writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I am reviewing you as a fellow contestant.

1. The title fits the poem as you use Eventide in both the title, and the poem.

2. You use the Epistle poem well. It is indeed a letter written to others in poetic form. Good job.

3. You use imagery nicely throughout the poem, and you covered all the word prompts nicely.

4. You begin with a syllable count of 9 per line, and carry that count throughout the point.

I found no problems with the poem. My favorite part of the poem:
"I sit in creaking wicker chair
and bid farewell to summer heat.
Crimson clouds shout tomorrow's fare
as daylight begins its retreat."
This leads into the poem with a beautiful picture. This one is a keeper. Very good job, keep on writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review of Autumn  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jellyfish, I am reviewing your poem as a fellow contestant.

1. The title fits the poem as you speak of Autumn in your poem.

2. This is a nice Free Style poem. Free Style poetry relies heavily on imagery and you have used imagery in both stanzas. Nice work.

3. You covered all of the prompt words nicely as well.

4. I love the first stanza, but if I have to choose a favorite section of the poem it would be:
Spindly twigs
Stripped of leaves
Shiver sadly
In the cold, twilight air.
This speaks of autumn's end very nicely.

5. The only thing I would suggest changing is to have more items specific to the picture prompt

Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions. Use them or lose them as you see fit. Very nice poem overall. Keep on writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi whitemorn, What you have here is a rhyming Free Style poem. It is Free Style because it has no set syllable count per line.

1. The title fits the poem fits the poem nicely.

2.Having it written in couplets is fine, but, since you use a rhyming pattern I would suggest writing it in quatrains using the two couplets that rhyme as 1 quatrain, leaving you with 5 quatrains.

3.The first four lines:
" Bright air, warm face,
Sand between my toes.

Seagulls singing, laughing,
Healing all my woes.
Draw the reader into the poem nicely.

4.Even without a set syllable count per line, the punctuation and rhyme make for a smooth read. Nicely done.

5.The following four lines are my favorite.
Hunting driftwood treasures,
One looks like a seal.

Pockets full of nature,
All that I can steal.
This reminds me of why I love the beach, even at the age of 58.

The last lines pf the poem seem to be a good way to end a visit to the beach. You have used some imagery, but more would be better. Overall, this is a very good read. Good Job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review of A Pristine Spirit  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Summer Raine, I am choosing to review some newbies today and you are first.

1. The title of the poem reached out and grabbed me. That's exactly what a title should do. Good job.

2.There is nothing really wrong with this piece as it is written, but I do have some suggestions that may make it stronger. The first being about the first two couplets.
"Bales of laughter
Cut through the peaceful day

Like a clean slice
From a fresh blade."
I feel these two couplets would be much stronger as a quatrain(four lines together) since they are dealing with the same thing...laughter.

3.I would do the same thing with the next two couplets,
"Home is not home any longer
It is permanent-

Etched in memory are the faces
An epiphany of sorts"
These would also be stronger as one quatrain or one stanza since they deal with same subject, home.

4.The next two couplets:
"We are all judged upon-
For being judgmental!

Nothing more than dust
On the bottom of her tattered shoe." would also be stronger as one stanza in my opinion as they also deal with one subject.


5.The three line stanza that follows is fine, but I think two more three line stanzas should follow.
"A ruse
Coldly caressing our hearts

Memories, heavy, overpower this day of reckoning."
I would suggest changing the last line to "Heavy memories over powering" The way it is written is a bit awkward. These lines deal with one subject so turn them into a three line stanza, and the following:
"One journey ceases
Another follows, and another,

Like Autumn leaves, they fall"
would be stronger as a three line stanza as well for the same reason. I would suggest changing "another" to others as you are speaking of several or more journeys in using "they fall"

6. The next couplet is fine as a stand alone couplet but I do have a suggestion.
"A lone flower blooms courageously over the dark-
Breathtakingly beautiful."
As it is written it seems a little awkward. Perhaps something like: "A lone flower blooms, gloriously eclipsing the dark-" This sounds a little better and would be much stronger leading into your finishing line.

My favorite part is, of course the ending. What you have is a Free Style poem and as I said it is fine as it is.

These are just my suggestions that I feel would make it stronger. Remember, these are simply my opinion, choose them or lose them as you see fit. What you can use, use, the rest, get rid of. Whatever you do, keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Wings. I was drawn to this poem immediately once I entered your poetry folder. Free Style Poetry is a very special art form that many poets use simply because they don't like the restrictions of form poetry. To do Free Style Poetry correctly you have to be a special poet. It's not the shape that the poem makes as far as long and short lines, but the words in Free Style Poetry require special attention. This is a Free Style Poem that is definitely done correctly.

1. The title of this poem draws you into the poem almost instantly, both because of the words you chose, and because you can grasp the origins of the poem if you know anything at all about the Greatest Book ever written.

2.In the first stanza of this poem I found the following line to be very interesting: "What are we then if we limit ourselves to the color people paint us?" What are we indeed? Too often people allow others to paint/color them into a certain light, and then they let that define them. What I find even more unbelievable is that many people color themselves into a certain being, lower than they should think of themselves and then are stuck in that life as long as they live,

3.The second stanza is full of beautiful imagery. I can see God as He sits, not only putting us together physically, but mentally, spiritually, and totally unique. Yet somehow He indeed made us one, we are called humanity.

4.The third stanza is absolutely my favorite.
We were created in secret,
And then revealed to the world.
We are special, unique, pure and whole.
Different as the Sun and the Moon
And yet we are one and the same, you and I.
We have the same Father.
I think I may have jumped the gun, but in this stanza we see that God does indeed take all of His unique creations/human beings, and makes us into one, the sea of humanity. There is very good transition from stanza two to stanza three.

5.The only thing I found that seemed out of place was the following line: "They tore us apart." Who did they tear apart? Couldn't it have been "They separated us completely."? But the question still lingers...WHO? I think you could probable separate this stanza, add some clarification, and make it stronger, or keep it as one stanza and just add the clarification. Just a suggestion.

6.Stanza 5 speaks volumes. God indeed says that satan, the devil himself has blinded the whole world. You framed that stanza quite nicely.

7.You finished this poem up quite nicely by showing the reader the names they can use, at least some of them. This poem is well written, and the punctuation is a work of art in itself, adding to the strength of the poem itself
.
         Let me finish by saying this. I too am Blessed, but I would be Honored to call you Friend. I guess that would be more than one name, but what does it matter as long as the names fit, and they remain positive in the eyes Very Good job!of our Father.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review of The word of life  
Rated: E | (4.5)
James,
I am reviewing you as a fellow contestant. Th following are my opinions and suggestions if any. Please view them as such, use them or lose them as you see fit.

1. The title fits the poem but Word and Life should be capitalized as major words in the Title.

2. The poem is written in perfect rhyme, and the rhymes are smooth and unforced.

3. The poem is written in perfect 5 / 5 meter with one possible exception. In the following line:
"in wonderous delight" wonderous can be read as atwo syllable, or a three syllable word depending on the reader. I would suggest changing it to "wond'rous" to make sure it's read as a two syllable word, and in the following line:
"to quiet all our fears." you have six syllables. I would suggest removing the word all.

4.Spelling and grammar are done perfectly. I would suggest one thing however. In stanzas one and two I believe you use the word "word" as the name for , or synonym for Jesus himself whereas in stanza five you use it to mean the words in the Bible. I would suggest capitalizing Word in the first two stanzas to distinguish between the differing uses. If I am wrong in my assumption forgive me.

My favorite part of the poem:
"In the beginning
all one and the same
the name that still is
above every name." as He indeed has the name that is above every name...Jesus, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and End Amen.

There was absolutely nothing I didn't like about this poem. Good job.
God Bless,
and Keep Writing
83
83
Review of YOURS!  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I am reviewing your poem as I too write Christian poetry. Remember, these are only my observations and suggestions if any, use them or lose them as you see fit.

1. The title of the poem fits as you speak of being "yours" belonging to Jesus in the poem. One word titles often grab the readers attention so good job on the title.

2. In line one, the word begun should be began.

3. I would suggest not using capitalization for words within the body of the poem simply for emphasis' sake. Let the words speak for themselves, they are powerful enough to relay your meassage clearly. The use of capitalization for emphasis on words can be distracting to a reader.

4. The following line: "That has taken hold of me." I would suggest placing at the end of stanza two as it finishes the thought in that stanza. Start stanza three with the next line.

5. Punctuation, spelling, and grammar all seem to be done correctly, nice job.

6. My favorite part:
"My Lord of Glory,
My Lord of Love,
My Lord of Mercy,
My Lord; my GOD!
I am ready to be Yours,
Yours - forevermore!" because God is all this and much, much more to me. Nicely put, but again I would remove the capitalization from glory, love, and mercy. These are strong words that automatically touch the emotions o the reader.

Once again, these are simply my observations and suggestions,view them as such.

Overall, this is a very nice Free Verse poem. Good job, and Keep Writing.
God Bless,
Rob
84
84
Review of Bounty  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Big Cat,

I enjoyed reading thsi short poem. Following are my observations on the poem, take them or leave them as you see fitt. They are only my opinions after all.
1. The title fits as you mention bounty in your poem.
2. I found no spelling errors but have some suggestions.
3. In the following lines:
"I know that you had hopes,
Small golden treasures which"...you need to begin Small with a lower case letter as you are not beginning a new sentence. At the end of the furst stanza I would suggest a period rather than a dash.
The period requests a longer pause of though in my opinion.
4. I would leave stanza 2 as is.
5.
"Please forgive me that the
Eyes of my soul cannot...eyes should not be capitalized as this is continuation from line 1
stand the brilliance of the
Bounty"...Bounty should be lower case,and is quite confusing. You haven't described the bounty that your eyes can't behold...what is the bounty?
Other than those points, imagery is nicely used, the idea is well thought out, and you keep the theme in tact.
Good job. Minor tweaks will enhance this one though.
Write on!
Rob
85
85
Review of Colors  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ash,
Let me start by saying I love this poem on colors. I do have a few suggestions though. Remember, these are only suggestions, you can use any you like, throw the rest away.
1. The title definitely fits the poem, that's a must. Good job.
2. In the first stanza you use two lines rather than four as you do in the rest of the poem with the exception of the last stanza. I would suggest making the first and last stanzas four lines each also. For the first stanza I would suggest something like:
{/b} Colors make things different
keep our lives from being bleak,
they make all things magnificent,
and they make all things unique.(/b}
3. You use your end rhymes well as you choose to use true rhyme. I have a suggestion in a couple of places, but over all well done with the rhyming.
4. You have a confusing syllable pattern to follow. Make your syllabic pattern uniform and your poem will read more smoothly. I'll show you what I mean.
{/b}What if all the leaves were green...........7 syllables
On every single tree..................................7 syllables
Spring to winter& seasons between.....9 syllables
Nice but no fall colors to see...................8 syllables[/b}
The other stanzas have the same problem with syllable count as well. Try to find a set syllable pattern to use throughout your poem such as 8,7,8,7...8,7,8,7,...The first stanza would read smoother something like:
Now what if all the leaves were green...8 syllables
on every single tree, ...7 syllables
spring to spring, all seasons between,8 syllables
with no fall colors to see? ...7 syllables
5. In the second stanza you use the word pink to end two lines. While this is technically not wrong, the repetition of rhyming words distracts the reader. Something like this may work a little better.
What if every flower was pink,
a very pretty color?
But when you simply stop and blink
their just like ev'ry other.
I would make the same suggestion with the use of "same" in two lines in stanza three.
6. In the last stanza I would suggest something like:
Colors make ev'rything brilliant,
that's not speaking tongue in cheek.
They make all things seem resilliant,
they make ev'ry thing unique.
7. I noticed you chose to use capitalization to begin every line. While there is nothing technically wrong with this, it can be distracting to the reader. You could try using capitalization only at the beginning of a sentence, or when writing a name to help the reader with the tempo of the poem.
8. I also noticed you chose not to use punctuation. While many authors choose this method of writing, it is better to use correct punctuation in a poem. Your punctuation tells a reader what your words do not. A well placed comma says to the reader, take a breath here. A well placed colon or semi-colon tells the reader, think about that. A well placed exclamation point tells the reader, that was exciting, that was sspecial, read it that way. Try to use correct punctuation all the time.
9. My favorite verse is the last one prior to the creation of the envelope effect.
What if everyone was white
The world would be on the mend
But with everyone white
Who's really special in the end
This verse reminds us of just what a mess this world is in across racial divides, but it reminds us we are all special at the same time. Good verse.
10. I love the way you use the envelope effect in the first and last stanza. If this was for a contest that required a couplet at the beginning and ending, by all means don't fiddle with it, if not, consider my offerings as a guide.
Remember, all of this is just my opinion. Use or lose what you will, this is your poem, and you must keep it your poem whether you make changes or not.
Over all,
Good Job,
Rob
86
86
Review of Thunderstorms  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Pat,
Very good job on the Haiku.
1. The title fits the poem.
2. There are no spelling or grammar errors.
3. You follow the Haiku form perfectly.
Good Job!
Rob
87
87
Review of Fragrant Gifts  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Pat,
The change you made to this poem makes it absolutely perfect.
1. I found no spelling or grammar errors in the poem.
2. The title fits the poem very well.
3. You follow the Haiku Form perfectly.
4. You use imagery nicely in this short form...(blossoming flowers)
Very nice job on this Haiku.
Rob
88
88
Review of Fragrant Gifts  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pat,
You followed the Haiku form perfectly. You used imagery, had no misspellings, wrote about nature, and about my favorite subject...God. I would only change one thing, the second line contains a confusing verb..."reminding."
I would make the second line either:
"are reminders of God's love" or
"rimind us of our God's love"
In either of these the verb would be made proper. Other than that, this is a beautiful Haiku.
Good Job
Rob
89
89
Review of Cats  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Pat,
Way to go.
1. The title fits the poem very well.
2. I found no spelling or grammar errors and punctuation is purrrr-fect.
3. Your description of cats is very illuminating. Nice Imagery in such a short piece.
4. You followed the Cinquain Form perfectly.
Good Job on this one.
Rob
90
90
Review of Soldiers  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Pat,
This is one powerful poem. I am so glad you have chosen to work through these lessons.
1. The title of the poem says it all. Every word defines a soldier.
2. I found no spelling or grammar errors.
3. Your choice of punctuation works perfectly with this poem, good job.
3. You use caesura and enjambment nicely in this poem. It serves to make your next point stand out.
4. My favorite lines are:
"may find their own
souls in danger of
succumbing to the
savagery of their experiences," You could not have relayed this any more powerfully in my opinion.
5. You use imagery well to show us what you want us to see. Good job.
6. You follow the Pleiades form perfectly.
I wouldn't change one thing in this poem Pat. Good Job
91
91
Review of On Easter  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, powerful.
I'm not quite sure about the rhyme scheme, but it works well.
1. I found no spelling or grammar errors, I did find three typos in the following lines:
"by the almighty's will"...Almighty should be capitalized as it refers to God, one of His names.
"GOD's own son"...Son should be capitalized as it refers to Jesus.
" the son arose, like dawn all day long" if the Son here is referring to Jesus it too should be capitalized, otherwise it should be sun.
2. You use internal rhymes very well in this poem.
3. You show good use of imagery in order to allow the reader to see what is taking place.
4. The only fault I find is the lack of punctuation. Proper punctuation in the poem would give it a smoother flow since you don't stick to a certain meter.
5. Overall, I find this to be a powerful poem about the Passion of the Christ. A little polishing will make this an excellent poem.
Good Job, Rob
92
92
Rated: E | (4.5)
Denise,
I am reviewing your poem at the behest of one Dutch Kuttner who happens to be my right hand man. Don't expect me to cut you anu slack just cause your dad knows where I live. The following are my observations. Remember, they are just that, observations. Any suggestions I make you can use or lose at your discretion.
*Star*This is a very powerful free verse poem as there is much hidden meaning. It's almost like peeling away the layers of an onion to find out what's causing the tears. Good job with that.

*Star*I would suggest beginning the first line with (I was) as it seems you are defining yourself in this poem. The reason I say this is that it sounds as if you are speaking about sheep, unless that was intentional.

*Star*In the following line: "Born open-minded in a world of suffering" you begin with a positive rather than a negative as in each of the other lines beginning with born. This is true of "Born pure where there is faithless rulement." Since you use a line with a negative in the second stanza, it seems to me that these two couplets are misplaced. I would suggest rearranging the lines beginning with (born) that have positive connotation to come after all of the negatives are out of the way. It seems this would make the poem more powerful than what it already is.

{e"star}"Born pure where there is faithless rulement"...rulement is a little confusing, you may consider changing it to rule and leave it at that.

*Star*In the following line: "Born silent in a world spoke with judgement"...spoke should be (spoken), and judgement should be spelled (judgment).

{e"star}I would like to see some use of punctuation. The couplets do set a rythm for the reader, however; punctuation speaks even deeper into the mind of the poet as to how his/her work is to be read. This gives a poem even more dramatic effect and meaning. For example, I would suggest using a comma after each of the couplets, and then ending this line in the second stanza:"I want to survive in this world"...with a (.)period as it is the first full sentence used. Aside from adding meaning and rythm, punctuation adds to the ascetic value of a poem.

*Star*The following line: "With knowledge and judgement"...judgment is misspelled.

*Star*In the following line: "To do all that I was meant"...I would suggest ending the line something like...(meant to do) as the line sounds very chopped off as it is.

*Star*In the fourth paragraph, the following line: "I was blinded by dirt of this magician"...is a littla vague as the magician is an unknown, and (dirt)...define the dirt...wiles, offerings, anything the reader can grasp and relate to.

*Star*In the fifth paragraph, the following line: "We should learn to take this for granted"...I think it should be learn not to take...at least if you're trying to say that we should always be aware if that fact.

*Star*In the same paragraph, the line: "Silence is what really makes judgement"...judgment is misspelled.

*Star*The following line: "It's more then just her perplexion"...typo...then should be (than).

*Star*The following line seems chopped off, same as the earlier line. "To conceal this, just wasn't meant"...maybe make it...meant to be

*Star*The following line is in error: "And suffering only exists to the faithless" as suffering comes to all people.

*Star*In the final stanza, the following line: "If it's not to shameful for you"...to should be too.

*Star*Your use of imagery is very nice throughout the poem.

*Star*My favorite part of the poem is:
"Like a feather I fell
From the wings of my flight
UN-needed, I was released
UN-noticed and unimportant
Dropping to an unmerciful hell
My puzzled mind
Needed to be repieced
I had morphed from a bird with a journey
To a pair of wings
With something to find
And from wings to a single feather
Lost on busy streets with a new journey"...This justabsolutely paints a picture of someone who has come near being destroyed by life itself, but is bouncing back and refusing to go down. Well done.

*Star*My overall impressions: This is a powerful poem that gives insight into the author's very being. It uses imagery to drive home the pain and agony life can cause, but shows that no one need bow down to the wrongs in life. With a little tweaking here and there, and adding proper punctuation, this will be a beautiful work of art.
Good Job.
Rob
93
93
Rated: E | (4.5)
nightreach,
I think you have a good one here with a little polishing.
*Star*This poem speaks volumes, and does so powerfully.

*Star*The title fits the poem because pride is what you are speaking of, and against.

*Star*The imagery you use really drives the point across.

*Star*In the following line:
"Contols my mind and makes me fight for the stupidest things!"...Controls is mispelled, probably a typo, shoild be (controls), and rather than stupidest, it should be (most stupid).

*Star*In the following line:
"A good, clean thing promoting love and care,"...rather than thing, I would suggest (attribute).

*Star*Other than those items mentioned I find nothing wrong with this poem.

*Star*My favorite part of this poem is:
"It impedes and hinders me, chaining me to fallible beliefs!
Makes me lash out for no reason, hurting and belittling others!"...Pride definitely causes problems doesn't it?

*Star*Over all, very good poem.
Get Busy Writing!
Rob
94
94
Rated: E | (4.5)
Grohman,
This is a good essay.
*Star*I found no spelling or grammar errors. I did find an omission though. In the following line:
"This sounds scary familiar to our own easy lives in America."...I think you meant scary and familiar.

*Star*In the following line:
"making sure to not engage in anything productive."...This sounds a little awkward. You might consider changing it to (making sure not to...).

*Star*In the following line:
"If we fail to our doom is imminent."...Typo, to should be too.

*Star*My favorite part of the essay is:
"And the causes of the fall of these massive nations are what America is suffering; lethargy, political division, pleasure seeking, corruption, and loss of authority. If we don’t do something to stop these faults now history will repeat itself, resulting in the fall of Earth’s greatest empire, the United States."...This shows a lot of insight and in depth thinking, sometghing else there is a lack of these days.

*Star*Over all, this is a very well written essay and contains food for thought.
Good Job!
Rob




95
95
Review of The life i live.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Rastaman,
I think you have the makings of a good poem here with a little polishing up.
*Star*The title fits the poem as you speak about your life.

*Star*I found no spelling errors.

*Star*I did find some grammar problems in the poem, and some rough spots where the wording seems forced. They follow:
"i see no light andso i hide out."...(I) needs to be capitalized. I would also suggest removing the (and) as it's not needed. This will also help the syllable count.

"at noon i push towards the fences, and"...I would consider something like...at noon I break down fences. The (I) needed to be capitalized, and the way I suggest will fix the syllable count.

*Star*In the second paragraph you totally ignore the syllable count you used in the first stanza. The following line:
"the life i live has no morals nor values."...(I) needs to be capitalized throughout the poem.

*Star*In the following line:
"I pray to the mighty one above us all,"...(The Mighty One) needs to be capitalized as you are refering to God.

*Star*In the following line:
"and give me the strength to walk tall."...I would consider changing walk to stand as the sentence sounds forced as it is.

*Star*In the following line:
"Tears flows endlessly with pain,"...Flows does not need the (s).

*Star*In the following line:
"tired i am from waiting in vain,"...Consider changing it to (I am tired from...)

*Star*In the following line:
"scared is what i seem to maintain,"...consider changing scared to fear, the line sounds forced as it is.

*Star*In the following line:
"shine the light to the life i live everyday."...I'm not sure what to suggest, but this line is very confusing.

*Star*In the following line:
"At dawn i will keep on searching with a hope,"...I would take (a) out of this line as it's not needed.

*Star*The next two lines are a little confusing, you may want to consider rewording them.

*Star*My favorite part of this poem is:
"I struggle through day in day out,
i see no light andso i hide out."...These two lines seem to speak about how a lot of people go through life day to day.

*Star*Over all, this is a good poem, you use some good imagery, the poem just needs some rewording and some polishing up.
Keep Writing.
Rob
96
96
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a beautiful poem written in Shakespeare fashion.
*Star*I found no spelling or grammar errors.

*Star*The title fits the poem nicely.

*Star*Your use of imagery is fantastic. You show us what you want us to read so that we have pictures rather than words.

*Star*The only thing I find wrong with this one is that there are too many syllables in some lines to allow for smooth flow, and the end line punctuation is absent. Remember, Punctuation says what your words don't say in written form. The rest of the story so to speak.

*Star*My favorite part:
"Still there remains only one who does enthrall
I love you dearest heart, you are my all."... But then, who doesn't love a love smitten ending?

Good job on this one.
Rob
97
97
Rated: E | (4.5)
Gabriella,
I am in the process of doing your reviews from the auction. I will be taking my time in doing so as I want to take in everything I read carefully.
*Star*This is a well written Free Verse poem, for the most part.

*Star*I found no spelling or grammar errors.

*Star*The punctuation you have used seems carefully chosen, and allows the poem to flow smoothly with a nice steady rhythm.

*Star*Your use of imagery in this poem is absolutely flawless. You have painted a picture for everyone to read. Job well done. Show, don't tell.

*Star*The only falt I find in this poem is in the following lines:
"landscape."
"aluminum track."
"and singing"
"civilization."...While I suppose these lines are allowed by today's standards of poetry, they are technically incorrect for a free verse poem. Free verse poetry was never intended to allow a poet to make a line break wherever they choose for visual affect. That would fall under visual poetry. Every line in a free verse poem should stand on its own with good strong meaning.

*Star*My favorite part of the poem:
"I watch the trees, soldier-like,
saluting the arrival of another
day, and all the days before this,
that like the pages of my book,
close one after another."...This reminds me of sunrise after sunrise in the mountains of N.C. It presents a beautiful picture for us.

{e:star{Over all, this is avery well written free verse poem. It is well thought out, and beautifully written.
Good Job,
Rob
98
98
Review of A Dying Art?  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Magi,
Good work, quit frowning.
*Star*I found no spelling or grammar errors.

*Star*The title fits the poem very well.

*Star*Your use of imagery works well for this poem.

*Star*Punctuation is done nicely, and adds to the flow of the poem.

*Star*Over all, I think you did a good job on this.Keep up the good work.
Rob
99
99
Review of Oh, Could We See  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Magi,
This is a very good poem. There were a couple of things I found trouble with, but all ian all I think this is very good.
*Star*The Title fits the poem.

*Star*I found no spelling or grammar errors.

*Star*You wrote the poem in iambic meter for the most part. There were some lines that you had added syllables, but you made it work with the flow.
"Leading them to create disguise"
"Shamed, the Garden God bid them flee"
"Followed then human history"
All of these begin with a stressed accent which go against iambic meter. The syllable does revert back in the middle of the line, and the flow works.

*Star*The following line:
"Ultimately, our quest will sake"...is a little unclear. You may want to search for a word to replace sake as this is the word which causes the problem.

*Star*The imagery in this poem is fantastic.

Good job on this poem Magi. With a little polishing this one can be great.
Rob
100
100
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi John,
I wanted to go 4 but felt more honest giving you a 3.5 on this and there are several reasons.

*Star*In the second paragraph, the line "Looking at that tiny size....the end "father as baby"...you need an (a) between "as" and "baby."

*Star*In the same paragraph, the line "Thinking of where...I could remember when father was a little boy...This is confused tense as you could not possible remember when your father was a boy as you weren't born yet.

*Star*Same paragraph in the last line, "How could you really know; if I could only be so blessed. This begs to be written as two separate sentences as it is confusing the way it is. Seems like it ought to be (How could you really know if someone was the right one for you that easily? If only I could be so blessed! Just a suggestion.

*Star*In the 3rd paragraph, the line "She was the bright...and admired by everyone" It seems you need (was) before admired.

*Star*In the 4th paragraph, the line "Instinctively without a second thought...You don't need "without a second thought" as instinctively means without thinking. Basically what you have here is: (Without thinking without a second thought)

*Star*Same paragraph, the line with "turkey I could find and a football" I would suggest a (,)between "find" and "and."

*Star*In the next line you could use a comma between "not" and "or."

*Star*In the line "Life Tim, life"...You need a comma behind the second "Life."

*Star*In the line "If my memory serves me correctly"...You have diner mispelled, should be with one n.

*Star*In the line "I arrived at the dinner" You have the same mispelling.

*Star*In the line "I know but this small town"...You need a (,) between "know" and "but."

*Star*In the paragraph beginning "Chrissy after you wrote" You need a (,) after Chrissy.

*Star*In the last line of the same paragraph, its should be it's.

*Star*In the very last line, you need a (,) after "Well."

*Star*Overall Impression: The title works for this short story as it is part of the last line of the story. You save the climax for last. You build the story up until you reach the climax which is sad and poignant, but you do have a twist at the end. You use show don't tell very well, good imagery. The only thing I would suggest is changing the ending. You use an ending that has been used over and over and becomes somewhat expected. You may consider a change in the end of the story. Remember, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Use them or lose them as you see fit. Other than the changes I have suggested, very good job.
Rob
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