I'm assuming that this story is an excerpt from a much bigger story, and I'd much like to read more! :) Your use of vocabulary is astounding, and your descriptions definitely paint a picture for the audience. However, I did catch some minor typos. There were a couple of fragmented sentences in the first 2-3 paragraphs, and you have "Lava Spiders" capitalized in one paragraph but not in another. I apologize if I sound like I'm being nitpicky, but I want fellow writers to have their works look and sound as neat as possible. Anyway, I love where this story is going, and I really would like to read more of your works!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rochelle2001
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 5:47am on May 05, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
