Try to put more spaces between the paragraphs. It's hard to read even if it's short. You need to put more commas too. The idea is pretty nice but you should make more paragraphs from just this one, to better establish the plot. You also should reread it, when you are in the mood, because there are some mistakes, like "as if so he preferred his vice hidden", I guess you mean voice, and "at his ex-bestfreind" You mean best friend right? or use a "-" like this: best-friend. Try to use this before posting. http://www.spellchecker.net/spellcheck/ I use it myself when I finish. But be warned, even spellcheckers can make mistakes so always reread.
Good luck with your writing!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rogomisha
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 11:13am on May 08, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
