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Review of Let Go  
Review by Marco Hartree
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Lilith Blackwell,
I was browsing through stories, saw yours, and reckoned it was well worth reviewing!

Appeal: This has a wide appeal, as it seems to be about romance and indecision – two very popular topics – but it also seems to have darker themes judging by her injuries, which makes it ever more interesting.

Names: I think that the title and description could use some more work so that they draw a potential reader in more effectively. I would try to make it less generic, maybe by revealing slightly more about who Alyssa is in that description sentence.

Format: The paragraphs are of nice length – not so long that it is boring, but not so short that the page looks disjointed and annoying.

Setting: The descriptions that you used, particularly of the Greyhound, made the setting easy to visualise despite the fact that I have never been on or even seen one.

Grammar/punctuation/spelling: I’m no expert and I make these mistakes myself pretty often, so I really don’t want to comment.

Point of view: You are consistent and the narrative stays with Alyssa throughout.

Flow: The story flows logically and progresses at a reasonable pace. I would suggest, however, that you try to use different types and lengths of sentences – your narrative seems to me to be consisted mostly of short, snappy sentences and after a while that gets hard to read.

Overall, your storyline has good pace and an interesting character, and I would be interested to read more.

Marco
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Review by Marco Hartree
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Although it is perhaps a little heavy on description, the idea behind it is excellent. The main character, the Eternal, is well-defined and her personality traits are well-represented. I think it could be improved possibly by making the victim more prominent, although perhaps that is for later parts that I have not read. Also the three men could have been less described - often a faceless fear is the one to fear the most.
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