It is a very interesting start, that is for sure! I am left wondering what will happen next. The only criticism that I have is being overly descriptive when you don't have to (I only really noticed it in the first couple of paragraphs) but that will scale down once you go back and edit a full story. I do wonder if you want this to be a short story or a novel, either way I am intrigued about the direction you would take this story! Good luck!
I liked the flow of the poem. I am not sure that it raises a huge emotional response from me however. I can see the meaning behind the poem though, the thought of escaping and wanting someone in your life to change your mind (even though it wont). I think that there are some emotions that can be fleshed out a bit more though. The feeling of fear, loneliness, helplessness. Hope this helps!
I liked the poem overall. I feel that I cannot be to critical because I don't write poetry myself, however I feel the 3rd and 4th lines are forced. I am not sure how they fit into the story of two star crossed lovers.
I may be wrong but I interpreted this as a love arc (friends, engaged, married, then living together forever), and like that! :) Keep on writing and keep up the good work!
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