*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rs_black
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by rs_black
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sounds like something I'd definitely want to read!

My main concerns are grammatical...

Mechanics

You might review your comma usage. Read each sentence out loud, and remember that a comma correlates to a pause in the thought.

Have you ever thought about, what it would have been like living over a hundred years ago

In this phrase, the comma is unnecessary. It inserts a pause where there shouldn't be one. Only one clause exists here.

where we are going or how we will get there.

This phrase does call for a coma, since it separates an item in a series.

Sentence Structure

I would also like to see some simplification of the sentence structure. Sometimes a sentence with more "flow" has a greater impact than a sentence that's more complex.

She had been married at the tender age of fourteen, to a man, my great grandfather, who had been an artist.

By rearranging the words and restructuring the phrases, you can create an easier-reading sentence:

At the tender age of fourteen, she had married my great grandfather, an artist.

Overall, I think it's very good! What a fascinating story.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rs_black