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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rulerxion
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of MAJESTY'S SPAWN  
Review by Rulerxion
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh, wow. I love this. The tone is fantastic, it has a creepy, but still some how relaitable feel to it. On one hand I want to be afraid of Daniel, but at the same time I expect him to be the hero. It's partially the voice, how he likes to hide his thoughts from mother and how he is almost becoming human. I do want to know more of the back story though, like where mother came from.
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Review of Never Far Away  
Review by Rulerxion
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like the emotion here, but overall I think it is a bit too wordy. It looks like you wrote a short story then split up the sentences to make a poem. It's not really a bad thing, but some lines seemed like a mouthful. Using contractions would help, like in line three you'll instead of you will. I don't know if you were using a specific meter, but I think changing the wording will help the flow.
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