The last line in the first stanza is a little awkard when reading aloud. I think it would be neat if you said something in the first part about why you needed to mow. Like, the grass was so tall you couldn't see your house, or being forced by a spouse, or something.
I love this! The rhymes are soothing and mostly unpredictable. I also liked how the lines did not end on the rhymed syllable.
In the line "If only your eyes could have seen, the darkened shadows hidden in between" - I do not think you need a comma there, as it is all one thought. Also, I would get rid of the word "in" because it breaks up the rhythm slightly.
This had a very cool vibe to it, and I don't usually get poetry, but I read this eagerly three times, each time finding something I had missed previously. Love it!!
I really liked this! My favorite descriptions were the ones in the 6th paragraph that included bits of history, like "she was being pushed aside for a sanitized future" - it made me realize how out of place she must have felt with values changing and things she had never worried about (like sanitizing) were becoming the norm. The awkward parts were well-written also, I definitely felt uncomfortable for the narrator after the grandmother tattled about him making out with the girl, and also at the funeral in the suit.
Two tiny grammar things I noticed - in paragraph one I think it is supposed to be "used to" instead of "use to" and in paragraph 16 I think it is spelled "heel" instead of "heal."
Thanks for sharing! I felt like I lived on this street for a few minutes!
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