I really loved this story. Well written and very entertaining. A single exception that may need correction:
And then we headed to the circus. My hair is shorter and darker than it used to be, so we managed to slip in without fanfare. But we hadn’t been in the big top for more than five minutes when my family converged. Imagine, thirty-odd (and most of them are very odd) people—from Grandma who tells fortunes in the sideshow to several the kids, most of whom I’d never met before. Mother was in the front.
---------------------- ^------- should there be "of" here?
Again, this was really a good read. Kept me in the story until the last word.
Great story. Had fun reading it even though I never lived in snow country. I think the dialog was just a bit unrealistic in a few places such as "You're on, and in your dreams will you beat me," Sounds strange to my ear. I think people talk more like "You're on, and in your dreams!" I, as the reader, can easily infer that Dan is talking about his wife beating him in the sled race. Overall, very enjoyable short read. Great job!
This was a great read for me! Was totally captivated as I read. The ending has left me wanting more. Where did he go? Where was he going? Is he going to finally reach his destination? What about his injured hand and the dog? Lots of questions that need answers in the story.
"I saw a several white hair in your head," Not sure if this is a type...confusing on first read.
"And I just found my way back home for certain" The words 'for certain' don't make sense to me in the context of the prose. Makes me wonder if/what doubt was felt. Maybe you could expand the doubt aspect in a line or two of the poem.
I'm not a poet and honestly, I don't read poetry except for song lyrics. I found this poem a little confusing at first but after a few re-reads, I think I get the point you are trying to make: you left a person long ago and now you're back with that person and it feels like home.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 5:18pm on May 06, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "