Much better. It follows the rhyme scheme that you started in the original version. Overall it is a good poem that has a very interesting message for everyone to think about in the future. I think you have a very creative and interesting perspective. Good job!
The first thing I would like to suggest is to keep the rhyming scheme consistent. Like keeping the second line and the last line of each stanza the rhyming lines. Or you don't have to have a rhyme in the poem at all and it could work as free verse. Otherwise I think the poem is pretty good.
Is the characterization and dialogue unique to each character?
Both are great and you can tell that they are different people. Just follow my suggestions on Mathias bellow.
How's the language used in the writing of the piece?
There are times where Mathias doesn't sound consistent. He seems to go back and forth between a modern tone and a religious/old timey tone. I would try to make him sound more of the rural tone that you have for the majority of his thoughts and dialogue. Tad is fine with the way that he talks.
Is the resolution of the story in keeping with the arc/character development?
There really isn't a resolution with the story. It just ends with them heading into the house. There wasn't even much of a conflict. So there isn't much that can be said on that other than if the father were to walk in the next morning and throw them both out. That would be a conflict and something that you would have to develop along an arc and character development.
Does the pacing of the piece work?
The pacing is great and keeps a steady flow. You also don't need to have END at the end. Though I would like to see this expanded into a book or multiple short stories.
What needs tweaking?
All of these have some grammar mistakes that need to be fixed.
But instead of answering me, Tad merely searched my eyes for a few moments, then his eyes flicked down to my lips briefly. He carefully put the leaned to his left, to plate down in the hay a few feet away, then straightened up. Took a deep breath, and launched himself at me.
For I’d come across many things in the Bible that were touted as right for God’s chosen people, but held to be wrong in the Hutterite community. Slavery, selling children, war, capital punishment . . . surely, a quiet, but steadily loudening voice asked me, surely kissing another boy isn’t nearly as wrong as those other things? It doesn’t feel wrong. It feels good. . . .
Ever since I was old enough to read the Bible and understand what I was reading, I had puzzled over the . . . inconsistencies I’d come across. Tried to puzzle out the answers for myself, for I had sensed that asking them aloud of my father or of the Elders would not go over well. The Lord’s revealed Word was each man’s to discover and figure out for himself.
Finally, a need to breathe forced Tad and me apart, and we gazed into each other’s eyes, panting and smiling.
“Especially without those,” I averred, leaning down till our noses touched. “True beauty needs no gilding or accompaniment, but shines honestly on its own, like the sun.”
It was an interesting perspective to write in. The tone was perfect and the consistent use of slang was actually helpful. Some of the other work that I've read where they've tried to use slang fell flat. Good job! The only suggestions that I have is to separate the paragraphs a little more. I seemed to want to rush through the reading at times because of everything being so close together so I ended up rereading a few spot multiple times because I rushed through it so quickly. Other than that good job and I would love to see a collection of stories about this poster and guy.
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