I thought this was really great symbolism and a wonderful message. Great job! One thing I would change, though, is the description you have at the top. "This poem is symbolic." Don't tell the reader that—a good reader will figure it out for himself. Otherwise, it seems almost . . . "amateurish" I guess would be the word. Other than that, well done! Keep writing. :)
I rather enjoyed this. The title made me laugh. Your interpretation of the meaning of life is very new and refreshing, and I love the scientific examples you give. One thing I would point out though, since all good reviews need some criticism, is that when you say, "From the simplest virus to the warring nations of man.." viruses are not actually living creatures according to biology. Other than that, though, this was really great. I especially like the last line—"After all, electrons are pretty cool, but we're livitons, and livitons are the greatest." Very powerful, very fulfilling. Great job!
Overall, I thought this was a pretty decent story. It was an interesting dilemma and pretty well-written. However, there are a few things that you might want to change to make it flow a little better. Since I am only a writer, it is up to you whether you do or do not take my suggestions:
"re-occurring reaction to it, wen the medicine wore off."
This should be pretty obvious—when, not wen. Just a simple spelling error—nothing major.
"He was self centered, while playing it out like he was helpful, considerate, and sociable. It was all about him. and his wants and he didn't care who he destroyed to get it."
Again, just another few simple errors—the punctuation in the second sentence is off a bit. Again, it's not a major deal, but I feel that when a piece of writing has grammatical errors, it takes away from the body of it as a whole. Your piece would be infinitely better if you were to change these simple mistakes.
Also, I would've informed the reader that he was her husband earlier. Not too early, because you do want to keep that element of surprise—it was really surprising to find that out—but maybe a little earlier, since it would probably make the story flow better.
Again, this was very good. I loved how you conveyed a lot of emotion in such a short story. You have a real talent for writing, so keep at it! :)
This is a good story. A few points of criticism that I would give you would be to definitely do a grammar check, since the few mistakes you have take away from the story. Also, I would suggest elongating the story, because it's very interesting and I would like to read more. You should especially go into more detail about Elise and their relationship, because it leaves the reader wondering who this woman was and what she meant to the narrator. The ending is wonderful—fulfilling and emotional without giving too much away. It leaves the reader to interpret what's going to happen. Overall, I was impressed with the storyline. You're very talented and this is a good story. Keep writing! :)
I thought this was a very good prologue. There was a very ominous, mysterious tone to it which was very captivating. I found myself hanging off your every word. However, one piece of criticism that I will give you is this—perhaps you could separate the last paragraph into two separate paragraphs and go into more detail about both anne and Jake. Having the two of them bunched together like that takes away from their individuality as characters. Overall, this was very good. I would like to see more. Keep writing! :)
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