Hello, I just wanted to let you know I'm not a professional, just a Writer like you. I am reviewing this because I'm a mother of a bipolar daughter and I'm trying to understand her mind.
Overall sense
The story drew me in from the start, made me think about my own daughters mind. It touched my heart and soul deeply and I wanted to cry with you.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I didn't find any
AREAS OF IMPROVEMENT
Anaxarete began to cry and scream and slap at the air. There was nothing here. (this could be made into one sentence with some rewording)
Nothing except her and this blackness, and the f***ing stone on her legs (first leave the f word out, it doesn't add to the story. Use commas instead of the word and. This probally could be reworded to show the scene.
FAVORITE LINE
She heard something; sort of a scream or a cry. "No", that wasn't a cry or a scream, it... it... it was her own mind, she was screaming but only she could hear it because it was inside her thoughts, her mind, her soul was screaming.
I really enjoyed reading this, wondering if you have experienced this or know someone who has. Thank you for writing and posting this for me to read. It was a blessing to find it. Mystic Angel
This was a real thought out piece of work. I had not thought of it that way before. I don't forward emails and it drives me nuts when some one forward me one. Thank you for taking the time to show this to everyone on here.
Hello,
The paragraph that start The jolt I prepared my....Doesn't seem to flow smoothly. I'm not sure if its missing words or needs to broken down into more sentences.
The paragraph that starts As we grew..is missing key punctuation to give it effect for the readers.
Other than that it seems to run smoothly. Great piece of work.
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