Nice evocative poem, which ryhmes well and has good structure and flow. I liked it very much. The only thing i would say is that does it rhyme to much, does that diminish it in some way? making it more common, but proberly more accessable. Does it have depth and meaning? Good stuff
Very good drama and tension.Quite menacing to read and hitting the right emotional notes. The bot about gettig the shampoo and soap is so banal, yet works wonderfully because of its banality in the absurdity of the situation. Look forward to reading the full peice
Gripping overview. I am an Asimov fan and this makes me want to read the book. The only thing I can suggest that might help is that the sentence that talks about the secrent could be tightened a bit to make it more dramatic. As I was reading I didn't get the spine tingle that I should at that point
Good stuff welll done
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