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Review by scrivener227
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I struggled through this a bit because your phrasing and word choice distracted me. Your overuse of "quite" for example. It's in Part 1 a dozen times, some of them used in an awkward way. And "very" appears nearly 30 times. You should strike that word from your vocabulary.

Then there are other phrases that loose me, such as, "Life just did not seem exactly that usual." You're describing a surreal moment, so I wouldn't think of that as usual. Am I missing a subtlety of meaning here?

Having said that, I want you to know that I didn't stop reading here, but went through all of Part 2 as well. I did so because you had me hooked on the story. I wanted to know why Curtis had been shot, who the pursuers were, why they kept Joe alive, where they had taken him... In short, I like the story you're trying to tell. You had me intrigued enough to ignore the wordiness and the weak descriptives. I think you just need to get those out of the way of your story.
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