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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of In Your Eyes  
Review by Vivian & Randi
Rated: E | (5.0)
This made me go, "Awwww!" I know it doesn't say anything about the eyes belonging to the narrator's love interest or anything but to me it gave that vibe at first. Then I reread it and now I'm really curious as to who the eyes belong to. This is a really cool poem :)
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Review of Trapped  
Review by Vivian & Randi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like it a lot. Your vocabulary is pretty darn good and despite not being in the mood for anything longer than a paragraph, I got pretty into it. I could imagine the scenes and her fear. I would change two things though. First, "He smiled that irresistible smile and she had fallen for him and just like that, she was his." doesn't need you to say that she had fallen for him since in the previous sentence it said that and it works just fine shortened to, "He smiled that irresistible smile and just like that, she was his." Second, in "...jeans that were now disgusting and torn to pieces and were loose around her legs," did you mean by disgusting that they were sweaty and gross? If so it would have been clearer to say that and not disgusting, which is almost an emotional term too.
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Review of The Costs of War  
Review by Vivian & Randi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I liked the idea very much and the story is good, except that I felt Allen went too quickly from "I want to die!" to "I must live for my family!" Maybe if he thought something along the lines of, "I want to die, to join them, but my wife would scold me for giving up so easily," then it would have transitioned better. Otherwise, the paragraphs could have been more split up. When you said, "Suddenly a pack of wild dogs..." that should have been a new paragraph.
Anyway, this was creative and I like your descriptions a lot, I could imagine the world he was walking around in. Write on!
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