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12 Public Reviews Given
23 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Chapter 1: Tim  
Review by S.P.Hertig
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sowie,

What I like most:
Nicely written and easy to read. Good ending. even in a short chapter the characters were alive.

What I didnt like- not much. Some formatting issues in separating each speaker of dialogue into separate paras, but I assume that's WDC.

Summary nice piece and only one minor possible glitch.

Things to think about...

“I don’t know where he is, Mrs Henley,” I said, as politely as I could without sounding sarcastic. She sniffed, turned abruptly, marched over to the board and quickly scratched something onto it in white chalk.
Consider- scratched something on it in white chalk.
2
2
Review by S.P.Hertig
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

Liked you logic, but is there logic in the quantum world?

I've used the multiverse plot devise in my Book (explained in Chapter 6):
ID# 1694754
Knight's Move

Brief Synopsis-
When a volcanic eruption uncovers a time inconsistent artifact, temporal terriorists make a move to stop geology professor Dr. John Mackinac and Homeland security's Jenny Scott from uncovering the truth...war is coming and it's from the future.

I'm looking for rewviews or ratings.

Check this out: (Dobson explains the quantum world well)

The Double-Slit Experiment
By John Dobson
Published 2004-10-22 13:05:52
From 1996
http://www.sidewalkastronomers.us/ - comments
"Richard Feynman has pointed out that every statement in quantum mechanics is a restatement of Heisenberg' uncertainty principle. Now Heisenberg's uncertainty principle states that the product of our uncertainty in the position of a particle and our uncertainty in its momentum can never be less than a certain small quantity, namely Planck's constant over two pi. Also that our uncertainty in the energy of a particle and our uncertainty in when it has that energy can never be less than that same small amount.

Feynman has also pointed out that the entire mystery of quantum mechanics is in the double-slit experiment. And that is what makes it so very interesting. From the standpoint of common sense, as Feynman himself has pointed out, the behavior of Nature is absurd. And this absurdity is nowhere more obvious than in the double-slit experiment. But before we discuss the double-slit experiment, let us go back to Einstein's 1905 geometry.

Euclid's geometry is a theoretical geometry about a theoretical space that does not in fact exist. And Newton's physics is a theoretical physics about a theoretical world that does not in fact exist. So we have had to change all that with relativity and quantum mechanics. In 1905 Einstein succeeded in putting time into geometry where it belongs. He changed our geometry form 3-D to 4-D. and in Pythagoras' theorem for four dimensions, time comes in squared with a minus sign, so that if the space and time separations between two events are equal, the total space-time separation between them is zero. Distances in space are not objective, nor are lengths of time. Observers moving with respect to each other may disagree on how far it is from there to here and on how long it took from then till now, but they will all agree on the total space-time separation between there-then and here-now. Four-dimensional addresses (where and when) are objective, and the space-time intervals between them are also objective, regardless of your position or your state of motion.

Now in discussing the double-slit experiment, it will be important to remember what happened to our geometry in 1905. Space and time come into that geometry as a pair of opposites. And since, between the emission and the absorption events of a single photon, the time separation as always equal to the space separation (for all observers), the total separation between those two events must always be zero. When Einstein threw out the luminiferous ether, he should have thrown out the photons that moved in it. They do not show up in his physics. When he threw out the lake, he should have thrown out the fish that swam in it.

The mystery of the double-slit experiment is this: that if the photons go one at a time through the slits, how do they know that both slits are open?
From a little distance away we shoot a laser through two closely spaced slits and watch the absorption events on a scintillating screen behind the slits. What we see is that when one slit is closed, most of the scintillation points fall behind the other slit, as we would expect. But when both slits are open, most of the scintillation points fall not behind the two slits, as we would expect, but between them. It is as though the photons had come through as waves and showed an interference pattern on the screen. And the question is this: since photons come through one at a time, how do they know that both slits are open?

It will be necessary here to remember that space and time are a pair of opposites and that the total separation between the emission and absorption events are adjacent in space-time. Now the adjacency has two components, a space component and a time component, and it is in the space component of the adjacency that both slits are open. It is not that the photons go through one or the other slit, but only that the space components of the trajectories have both slits open.

But suppose we do the double-slit experiment with electrons instead of photons. Then the emission and absorption events will not be adjacent in space-time, because the electrons can't travel at the speed of light. And then the space and time components of the trajectories will not be equal. What the? Still we get the same result. If both slits are open, we get interference on the screen behind the slits. Why? Because even if the space and time components fo the trajectories are not equal, still both slits are open for the space components.
As Amit Goswami says, "We never, never see the wave aspect of a single quantum object." The wave aspect is in the space component of the trajectory.
Feynman's "sum-over-histories" approach suggests that we must allow that the photon (or the electron) could have gone by any possible way from the laser (or the electron gun) to the screen, and we sum-over-the-histories to calculate the probability of its arrival. Actually what we do is to sum-over-the-space-components-of-the-trajectories, whether for a photon or an electron.
For a detailed description of the double-slit experiment please see Richard Feynman's Six Easy Pieces. It's in the last chapter on Quantum Behavior."
3
3
Review by S.P.Hertig
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,

What I liked most- Easy to read and fairly good pace. Good vocab and dialogue. I'll check the next chapter, too!

What I liked least- the 1st paragraph in describing the geometry or shape of the house. I'm a retired scientist with a good sense of 3D visualization and I found it hard to follow. I felt like I needed to draw the house to get an undestanding of the detail you provided.

Also, there's lots of detailed describtion of the house. Is this germane to the rest of the story? if not, it's kinda destracting from figuring out what the purpose of the chapter really is?

Summary- I'll look at chapter two to get some continuity, but this chapter left me lacking. What were you trying to tell...I assume it's: Joven and Linda left Austin and are in a new, empty house. What/who was the ghost? Why didnt Joven have friends? Maybe these questions are answered later, but would add purpose to this chapter.


Parts that were distracting or stumbled the pace-

The front of the house faced a dirt road that deadened at the beginning of the driveway. The road ran from the house for a mile before finding the highway and coming to a dead-end stop in the small town of Robbinsville, North Carolina.
Check usage - deadened or dead-ended
Tautology- dead-end stop
Consider- if deadened should be dead end, then you have two 'dead end's close together, use a synonym for one.

Running slender pale fingers through shoulder length light brown hair she pulled it up on her head into a ponytail.
Consider- Running slender pale fingers through shoulder-length, light-brown hair she pulled it up on her head into a ponytail.
(I know hyphens are subject for debate and can be omited if obvious, but the double set may stretch breaking of the rule and can sound awkward.)
Punctuation-Running slender pale fingers through shoulder-length, light-brown hair(COMMA) she pulled it up on her head into a ponytail.


Her steps followed hollowly behind like the ghost she and her mother had run from thinking it would stay in Austin Texas.
Punctuation- ....Austin, Texas.

The other creeped over the living room she had ignored on the trip to the second story.
Check Usage- ...creeped or crept.
Also the sentence is a bit awkward. Did she ignore the living room or stair case?

It turned soundlessly under pressure from her right hand and she greeted the second set of stairs encased in a dark ascending tunnel.
Check usage- It turned soundless underpressure -or- It soundlessly turned under pressure....

“Someone just went wild with color.”
Who said this and/or why in quotes. Maybe italic as Joven thoughts,
Eg, Someone just went wild with color, Joven thought.

College would be a good fresh start for her and one her mother hoped would bring happiness back into her daughters life.
Punctuation- ...daughter's life.

Want to return the favor?
ID# 1694754 or 1695154
Knight's Move (Sci-fi, Suspense)

Brief Synopsis-
When a volcanic eruption uncovers a time inconsistent artifact, temporal terriorists make a move to stop geology professor Dr. John Mackinac and Homeland security's Jenny Scott from uncovering the truth...war is coming and it's from the future.
4
4
Review of Atrocity  
Review by S.P.Hertig
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Monsterman,

Wow! this is a big change from the last review. very well written and a creative plot/action sequence.

Obviously lots of effort on this piece.

I liked it.



Things to think about-
In one eternity feeling second, the wall of the tub cracked into many little pieces across his back.
...one eternity feeling second... sounds awkward.

Josh landed on his back, another rib cracked. He couldn't lift his upper body up to see anything, the rib would dig into another important organ.
...important organ.... sounds awkward

The contents of his stomach roiling into his throat and expelling from his disgusted tongue.
Did his tongue really expell the contents of his stomach?

Torture in Hell was an understatement, this was thousand- fold.
Consider- Torture in Hell was an understatement, this was thousand-fold worse

.
5
5
Review of The Literarian  
Review by S.P.Hertig
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
DWG,

What I liked most: the whole idea of Literarianism and how it plays with Matt, great concept.

Plot: the best aspect of the plot is the evolution to Matts beliefs and frustrations, then finally, as stock, still hoping to be a protagonist.

Characters: Matt well developed

Pace: paragraphs are long, but with little dialogue somewhat understandable

Ease of read: very good (except long paras)

Summary: very good and such a great concept!


Tidbits:

Should you use quotes here? (knowing formating WDC is a pain)
He opened the book he’d brought with him to a dog-eared page and read a passage to himself that he’d highlighted long ago: 'Phyllis gave the clerk a twenty for the cigarettes and then left the store, fumbling at the cellophane wrapper'. No more mention of the clerk for the rest of the book.

Italic thoughts, confusing if the last sentence is a thought or said aloud?
“Maybe I do belong in this job,” he thought. “Maybe I’m one of the last stock characters left in the world.”

Want to return the favor?
ID# 1694754
Knight's Move

Brief Synopsis-
When a volcanic eruption uncovers a time-inconsistent artifact, temporal terriorists make a move to stop geology professor Dr. John Mackinac and Homeland security's Jenny Scott from uncovering the truth...war is coming and it's from the future.
6
6
Review by S.P.Hertig
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked the poem and subject matter. Scotty is a very real american or should i say federation icon.

What I liked best was the length. Short, sweet to the point. perfect.

What I liked least: 'Let other drivers frown' you lost me here with 'drivers'. As an engineer he didnt drive the Enterprise, Kirk did. maybe it's a reference to James Doohan not Scotty?

Thanks for the tribute!
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