Wow, I really like this concept. It is very different and original about the shadows as something evil and watching us. It can really make someone look at their own in a very different light. It could really be made out into something more than just a poem (a good poem at that); a books, a mini-series, there are other options. This is a really good piece of work you have! You certainly got the creepy aspect down well. The choice of words were perfect as well. Something about it made it seem like it was child-like in his game for prey, which can make it all the more scary.
I will start off with a little advice; I would break this up a bit more than into such large paragraphs. I think it will make the read easier and it will make it into more of a book-formation. I also think that you could really expand on it and make it longer, draw it out more, let the audience really feel a good amount of tension during Kalum's transformation and emotional upset.
Your details and descriptions are really good. Almost have a haunting poetic sense to them. Very good for this type of story. It matches the feel the title gives off. I think it is a good enough story to be expanded more and continue on.
What a cute short story. I like how simple the sentences were, this could be made out into a really good young-adult novella. I loved the couple and how it all went about. It made me smile about how it turned out he was being a good troll husband all along. I also love the little twist on how every troll-wife will transform into something beautiful for their husband. The ending was adorable too!
How you wrote this even got the back of my neck bunched up as I just was drawn into the imagery of what Fred was dealing with. The frustration, the annoyance, the disbelief, and the worry of madness could really be felt. And it wasn't just because it was all in his POV, your writing made it feel believable and man, I was all tense up as I felt like I became Fred through this. Not many can do a good first person POV, I think it takes real talent to do what you have done here.
I can't help but feel real sorry for the guy, especially with that ending, making it seem it was starting all over again. I couldn't tell if it was a haunting, he was mad, or something else. It was rather creepy in truth. Very, very well written!!
Very touching and very beautiful. It was a sweet and tender poem. I was sniffling a little throughout the story of this little sparrow. I thought that it was nicely done and very lovely. I felt like there might've been another meaning to this, but whether that is true or not isn't the point. I think this was just something very wonderful and simply amazing. Very sad and yet uplifting. It had a nice story of kindness, beauty, strength, and moving on. I really loved it.
Simply stunning. No other words to describe it really. Its just gorgeous and flows with great fluidity. I think it was tender, sweet, and touching.) Just amazing and gorgeous and sweet and really goes over the feel of a wonderful friend. I've always loved that very first line.
P.S: I am pretty sure this is Randi, because I remember this amazing touching poem in the book I bought of hers ;)
This was wonderful. It really brought a tear to my eyes. It had a beautiful story, such sweet words, and yet it wasn't dark. This is something I feel like younger kids would be able to read, understand, be affected, yet it wouldn't be too much for them to handle. It was a great, deep moving poem that has a lot going for it. It had a lesson that really wasn't in-your-face nor was it corny. It was simply a very wonderful, well made piece of poetry. :)
:) that was a sweet one-shot, Randi. It was nice to get a peek into your world and the dogs who really care for you. I am glad you have them, particularly Calvin, to protect and love you This was so short and sweet. Has just the right amount of emotion to it. Very beautiful I think.
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