This story you have written is quite powerful and well structured. Your Development of the characters was very nicely executed, giving them all real depth with very little descriptions. By doing this you are letting the reader for their own opinions of who the character may be, a very important piece of literature is involving the reader.
The scenery you described was very realistic and detailed, with very nice diction as an added bonus. The prologue was very well pieced together and displayed itself wonderfully for it's size, but it also felt somewhat rushed along. Possibly drag it out a little more, getting the reader more acclimatized to your writing style and how the story might play out.
As i have said before, the story feels rushed, meaning that the pace just seems to stay at a constant speed. But even though i say it is rushed, I don't mean that this was terrible. In fact back in my high school band class my director would always tell us, "I would rather have you rush and keep me on my toes, then drag and put me to sleep." For me music is literature, and while rushing isn't good, it is better to have a story that is fast and exiting, than a slow drawn out story explaining every detail for a single character over 5 pages.
Lastly i would like to express the emotions that were brought about with this story, your character, though some magical, seem relatable and as such are easier to form connections with. When the characters are upset over something, the reader may become anxious, when the characters are happy and pumped up, the reader my be luminous, but either way if executed properly, will keep the reader on the edge of their seats, with bated breath wondering what will happen next.
Again, a wonderful read, i hope to visit the bookstores and see your works on the shelves someday.
Good luck with your future writings.
~Ryan Krinsky
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