You wrote this for ME! I'm right with you every aching and snapping step of the way. Loved it and actually laughed out loud several times, as I have made that harrowing trip myself. You have caught the images perfectly and except for a few changes I might personally make in word choices, I can find nothing wrong really. Good job and thanks for the smiles!
Excellent piece, no pun intended. I am acquainted with this case and you've done a wonderful job turning it into a very enjoyable read. Your dialogue is spot on, and I do enjoy dialogue! Very natural narrative flow to a particularly unnatural dinner engagement. All expertly handled. Looking forward to reading your other posts!
Well, that's certainly caught my attention! Enjoyed this very much. It's intriguing and the style appeals to me personally. If I had to cite any problem it would be due to a pet peeve of my own, using the same word too often in a single paragraph sort of thing, in this case the word key. Perhaps an alternate 'it', or 'the other', that sort of thing-- just an opinion, of course and not necessary as it just all reads so well. Hope to find more of this posted! Thank you for sharing and do continue!
Very sweet and a pleasure to read. It flows smooth and lightly, like the feelings expressed, and I could not keep from smiling as I read it. It's timely, too, in my case as I could say much the same thing about someone special in my life. I'm afraid I am not a poet! Thank you for sharing it!
Terrific stuff! I admit I am not a poet, but enjoy reading poems that create a mood or convey a message. This family dedication piece is a great example, I think, of relaying personal history in a readable and entertaining way. You touch on so many subjects-- love, loss, hard times, triumph-- all the things that make and bind a family. Very readable, though my brain jumped the gun on some pacing-- again, I am not a poet and so can't really give critique on rhythm and all, but enjoyed it a great deal and wish more people would share that special part of life that makes us who we are. Well done!
I like the way this flows and while I admit that I am not a poet, I have read this several times, and it has me hooked. Every time I read it, something else stands out and a new image surfaces. Solid visuals without forcing itself on the reader and if I'm reading this right, the last lines say it all. Thanks for sharing!
Impressive! Great dialogue-- and I am a big fan of dialogue! Just the right amount of desperation against the anger-- reads well together and creates the perfect tension. Two points that bothered me-- in the line: "Bullets of cold sweats pelted her pallid cheeks incessantly" I think sweat rather than sweats reads better. Second point is the last line, feels a bit awkward to me, maybe a more subtle hint? Over all, very well done and YES it did give me cold chills! Thanks for posting this!
Really liked this piece. Very visual without over painting the mood or the scene if you prefer. I guess I am a fan of this style-- using concise, short. sharp ideas in clear, individual sentences. Flows like thoughts flow. Mixes a sense of despair with dark discovery-- alright, I'm not experienced with reviews, but know what I like! Thanks for posting this.
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