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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sota_man
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15 Public Reviews Given
22 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by sota_man
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again,
This is a charming little piece. The transition from the tearful scene at the beginning to the confrontation between actors is so sudden it's completely unexpected and is quite humorous.
One flag, "forcing" should be "forced" because it is action that took place in the past.
Thanks for sharing this.
Sonny
2
2
Review by sota_man
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
Not bad. A little rough in places, but nothing that's too distracting.
The tense in your descriptions should all be the same. In the very first paragraph, if you're going to use present tense, then the black cliffs should heave themselves and the gulls should circle and dive.
Try "not far away," instead of but
Remove the comma after "lane" and insert one following "rooms".
3
3
Review of 52 Candles  
Review by sota_man
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello,
This is an incredible piece. It starts off with humor, making the reader smile, perhaps even laugh. Then it changes to sadness so suddenly there is no time for the reader to prepare, and they may well find a tear escaping before the smile even fades. Not an error to be found. OUTSTANDING.
Thanks for sharing this.
Sonny
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