Feel free to take this review with a grain of salt. These are my opinions and certainly are open for discussion and interpretation.
Overall Impressions - I love dark and twisted tales and this one did not disappoint. It had good pacing, an interesting premise and a central character that I could empathize with...until the end! :)
Strong Points - The main character was well drawn with a believable personality and realistic actions. I love the idea of the story from the beginning. It's so sinister to think of an entire family that gets off on killing people. I liked the way you used formal dialogue for the parents. It made them seem cold and uncaring. Perfect!
Areas for Improvement - Most of the dialogue was great, but there were a couple of spots where it sounded a little too formal. Maybe that's what you were going for, I'm not sure. I was a little confused by the shift in the narrative at the end...where Shyreece starts talking to the reader. Maybe that part needs just a little more clarification.
Grammar and Spelling - You might want to consider using a comma, in your dialogue, then the rest of the sentence. For example, "I am afraid of you," I said. - Instead of "I am afraid of you." I said. I don't think anything else really jumped out at me.
Specific Areas -
Plot - I thought the plot was well executed for a being a short story. I think that sometimes plot can get lost in shorter works. I like the arc. The girl is confronted with her families truth, she defends a friend and fights the inevitable, then she submits and falls in line with the family tradition.
Characters - The main character was easy to relate to and understand. That always makes a story more powerful I think. I love the lines like, "...I felt a scream tickling my throat." They add so much dimension and interest to the characters and the story overall. I think a little more description of the other characters might have helped. They seemed a little bland to me. Their dialogue was great though.
Final Thoughts - This was a cool story and I really like how you handled this idea. With some minor edits this could be really sharp. You've got a way with the creepy tales! Good job.
It's been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work. Thanks
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/spartacus27
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 9:50pm on May 15, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Feel free to take this review with a grain of salt. These are my opinions and certainly are open for discussion and interpretation.
I love dark and twisted tales and this one did not disappoint. It had good pacing, an interesting premise and a central character that I could empathize with...until the end! :)