Wow, what a great poem! Sounds like something from the 1800's to me. How did you do that? It sounds like it could be grouped with another poem I read recently by Caroline Atherton Mason
QUOTABLE POEMS S3
Might dash another, with the shock
Of doom, upon some hidden rock.
And so I do not dare to pray
For winds to waft me on my way,
But leave it to a Higher Will
To stay or speed me; trusting still
That all is well, and sure that He
Who launched my bark will sail with me
Through storm and calm, and will not fail
Whatever breezes may prevail
To land me, every peril past,
Within His sheltering Heaven at last.
Then whatsoever wind doth blow,
My heart is glad to have it so;
And blow it east or blow it west,
The wind that blows, that wind is best,
Caroline Atherton Mason
Doesn't it sound like they should be in a collection together? Nice work.
Yup, maybe when we nearly get hit by an asteroid the size of a mountain the whole world will view the world like you did. It's sad how hard people make appreciating the little things of life when it is actually all around us and so easy to do!
Well, I ended up seeing this letter and I must say those are some very admirable dreams and goals. It sounds a lot like something I write to myself almost every day to try to help me stay on track for my goals. Some days are better than other (darn that Facebook and web surfing), but the main point is that we press on at least a little every day. Even if that means we can only spare ten minutes out of an entire day for reading and reviewing.
You might want to try Grammarly for all your tenses, punctuations, and spellings needs here on WDC. That is what I am using right now as I write this review. I hope you accomplish your goals for the year. I'm just getting started on this whole writing business. But I do love rambling in my notebooks so I though I would try polishing things up a bit. I love science fiction as well and have tried to write a few short stories and one novel so far, but they are all woefully incomplete. Need to keep up it and at least focus on finishing one idea before starting on another one.
Lot's of good dialogue here. I wish there was more background about this football game. It seems she's a high school student and a girl participating in some co-ed high school football team. Am I right? I didn't catch the science fiction flavor of this story. Is there more to it than what I read?
In the end, the dialogue was good but I needed more background about who the are, what they did, and where they were at. I would have liked some more science fiction thrown in as well.
Well, first of all, I learned a new word, 'enjambment', so that makes me like the article right off the bat. Plus I had just written a little description of my enjoyment of driving through the rain yesterday. I was wondering what I needed to do to make this a poem, and your structural definitions of proper free form poetry provides a nice quick template to help me start editing what I wrote. Thank you for that! You get five stars from me for being so helpful.
Reading this for some reason made me think about the patterns of human behavior and how with enough reading and study they start to become very predictable. And when they become predictable they become bland. And when they become bland then maybe it's time to invent a new personality, a new behavior, a new being. What would that being be like, what would be so drastically different? Should we get rid of emotions? Should it be like some logical thinking mentat/robot/machine thing? Or maybe something completely opposite, emotionally sensitive with a high amount of empathy. The seeds for a new story, thanks to your poem! Very nice.
"It had been two days since Match had been put in a coma and the girls had tried to make the most of there time."
should be:
"It had been two days since Match had been put in a coma and the girls had tried to make the most of their time."
I use Grammarly in my web browser to catch these things.
Also:
"Were angels ,real straight outta heaven angels, isn't it our job to stop them and protect the people?" Cam asked her best friend and squad mate. " Maybe but were not that sort of solider, were special forces, there ain't any reason for us to get involved in stuff like this" Gem said, "Although we could use some ammo and there's always a chance they might discover us by accident". Pur the fragment Cam had summoned was a logical kind of weapon, he was very against unnecessary fighting. " There's no need to put yourself in this situation and how will Alec take it if she has to kill real people again?" The conscious of the fragment, which had retained its memories from before it had been passed on, questioned.
could maybe be:
"We're angels, real straight outta heaven angels, isn't it our job to stop them and protect the people?" Cam asked her best friend and squad mate. "Maybe but we're not that sort of soldier, we're special forces, there ain't any reason for us to get involved in stuff like this" Gem said, "Although we could use some ammo and there's always a chance they might discover us by accident". Pur, the fragment Cam had summoned, was a logical kind of weapon. He was very against unnecessary fighting. "There's no need to put yourself in this situation and how will Alec take it if she has to kill real people again?" The consciousness of the fragment, which had retained its memories from before it had been passed on, questioned.
Overall the story sounds like something I watched in an anime. I bet that's the crowd you are writing for huh? I think they would like it. Keep up the good work! And keep editing and refining.
Wow, and I thought Webster's dictionary was all I needed in order to understand what a metaphor is. I really like the depth of this discussion and I really learned a lot. The examples are great, and classifications of the types of metaphors are useful. I'll be reading novels looking for all the type of metaphors you have just described in this article. Thank you!
I like the contrast in viewpoints between the first two lines of every stanza. You get the positive viewpoint in two lines and then the negative side in the next two. Life and death in a seemingly endless limbo. One not winning over the other. A cycle that continues on and on. That's the impression I got from reading your poem.
Ha nice twist at the end. It was sounding like a sweet but simple scene until that twist in the end. Bravo! Way to squeeze a story in under 300 words. It's hard enough just making a review over 300 words let alone a story sometimes. Have you submitted any of your FF outside of write.com?
Hi! This is like a very good writing prompt, ready to be expanded into a short story. First of all, I just wanted to point out a few typos if you don't mind. The title reads "Someone describing the horrors their about to witness, in the dead land!" when it should be written as "Someone describing the horrors they are about to witness, in the dead land!". I suggest maybe installing Grammarly into your web browser because it just caught some typos of my own as I write this review!
Also in the third paragraph, you write "As I wonder the land," when it should read as "As I wander the land,".
A zombie apocalypse set in a classic fantasy world with kings and dragons? Sounds like a good idea! Have you written more about this story idea? I was just starting to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies the other night. You could either make this some serious fiction or make it a comedy like that book does.
Cute poem. It would probably go well in a children's book. I would love to read it to my son in a good picture book with a grungy old skillet and food being cooked at a campfire and such things. Maybe make the characters bears. Sounds like a decent way to use this poem right?
Wow this looks like a very hard contest to make an entry for. Not only do you have to use the three keywords in your story but it has to be under 300 words? Bravo my friend, bravo. I've tried to do something similar for the 100 words website. It ended up sounding more like a poem than a story. I didn't submit it to the website either, because they wanted me to pay $2 for my work! Ha! It was instead submitted to AGNI where it was eventually rejected.
I had just finished reading the collected short stories of C.S.E. Cooney and I really loved how she mixed age old folk tales with new twists of her own. Your entry reminded me of her stories, at least the beginning of something similar in theme but obviously different in content and style. One has to wonder what that prospector and his talking donkey are going to do after they cash in their golden egg. Hope they don't mess up a good thing, but of course that wouldn't make for a very interesting story.
Nice work I hope to run into more of your flash fiction. The only thing I could think of for improving it is maybe present the golden egg scene in the middle and have something happen afterwards so it feels more like a full story intead of an entry level snapshot. How to do this I don't know, your're the one with the talent
This review is just my personal impressions and opinions as I read your article. I was confused by the first paragraph. What is a green dream? I still don't really know what you mean by the term. Try to define specifically at the beginning of the article what a green dream is.
So what I interpret a green dream to be is a new ambition that you have never thought of before. And we should be motivated in our lives by whatever new ambitions pop in our mind. But what if you are like me, and I get new ideas for stuff I want to do every day. One day I want to build a chat bot, then another day I want to simulate the human body, and then yet another day I want to write a novel. I can't pursue all of these green dreams at once. I don't get anything done because every day I'm pursuing something new instead of finishing the previous project. This is what is happening to me in real life right now. It's a case and situation that would expand your inspirational article.
Very nice way way to describe sunset along the beach. I really liked that there was no drama, no personal emotion in the observer's experience of nightfall. They were really just enjoying the moment. That's my impression as I read your poem.
It's always fun to read a poem that actually has some rhyming involved. Plus I enjoyed learning a new word! Thanks for posting this!
This review is of my impressions as I read your poem.
It's a very pleasant scene described by your words. Truly a touching moment that needed to be captured in this way. It's very refreshing to read something so simple yet profound as the joy of meeting your grand daughter for the first time. What a precious moment, colorful, and wonderful. Puts a smile to my face imagining it.
This review is going to be about my impressions after reading your poem. They are simply my opinions and reactions to what I read.
I really liked this poem. It reminded me of my depression days, and how I would go out for a walk in the desert to try to understand what was going on with myself. Tormented by warring ideas and ideologies and beliefs that I had been exposed to. I eventually found peace. So this poem reminded me of the struggle I went through before finding peace. I love it!
This review is about my impressions as I read your poem and what my opinions are.
I love that you summarize what you feel when you listen to several different types of music. Not many people try to appreciate every musical genre, only the true musicians do. This poem helps bring people into the mind of a true musician, or a true music lover. None of that rap is better than rock and rock is better than country type of babble. We are music lovers here, and the poem shows that music helps us feel. It brings out emotions that we want to feel.
I liked this poem, probably because I'm a music lover too. I like studying all forms of music and understanding what makes them special and how to play it on the guitar and why do people like this song over that one so much. Not so much for the emotional aspect in my case because I like analysis.
This review will contain my impressions and opinions as I read your poem.
First of all I got a very clear picture that this woman is actually fighting some battle against someone. She is hurt pretty badly, but something inside her is compelling her to continue to try to survive. It sounds like she has been through this before, she is tempted to just die and finally get some rest, but something else compels her to try to survive.
I am sad that she has to be in this situation. I do not know why she is fighting, but I imagine it is either for self defense, or for some political motive. In the end I hope she fights to survive the conflict, then runs into the forest to finally get away from all these crazy people and live a normal peaceful life.
This type of poem would probably fit well in a magazine like Fantasy and Science Fiction. I liked it.
This review is basically going to be about what my impressions of the poem were. I'll give an account of what my first thoughts were as I read this poem.
Nice imagery! I'm feeling a little cold now
The metric was interesting too.
I've never thought about what the sky looks like in winter in places where it actually snows. I live in Arizona. The winters here are just nice weather and still plenty of sunshine.
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