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Review Requests: OFF
58 Public Reviews Given
60 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I use a three colored ribbon system, green, blue, and red, to measure my feelings on the strength of that area of the review. The color of the ribbon to the left of the category denotes how I feel the work measured up to the catigory. A Green Ribbon *RibbonG* Means I feel the work passed and met this criteria. A Blue Ribbon *RibbonB* Means I feel this is somehow incomplete, or weak and will explain as best I can and offer any suggestions I can think of. A Red Ribbon *RibbonR* Means I think the work is missing this. A Face Palm *FacePalm* Ether standing alone or alongside a ribbon Will mean I don't know, or I'm not sure. This Style I apply to both short stories and poetry. I'm just learning so please understand I need to have limits, which are word count for short stories is 1,500 Poetry line count is no more that forty lines please. At least for now until I get better at this.
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories and Poetry
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Him?  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Amreen,
Let me begin by saying (and I’m not putting myself down it’s just me being honest with myself and where I’m at, at this present time) my vocabulary, grammar, and English skills are horrendous, like wise my knowledge of the art of writing is limited at best. Thus I feel I can not offer any critique of substantial value for you.

But what I will say is this about you piece is; It didn't capture and hold me from the start, however, I think with a good revision and tightening it up that would change.

Perhaps you could insert less wordiness, and narrative and more emotion maybe??? (I’m not sure how to explain it) e.g. in the first paragraph something like this as a possible revision when the time comes …

Amber flinched with annoyance as Sayama bellowed in her ear. “HEY! I’m trying to talk to you”
“WHAT” she spouted back angrily without taking her eyes off the computer screen. “What do you want”?
“I've been trying to talk to you for eighteen minutes now and you haven’t heard a word I've said” she snapped back as she stormed out of the room.
............................
I hope this helps, because as I've said I’m really not qualified to give a solid educated review and for that reason have only given a couple, and as a rule of thumb I try not to. But I just recently decided I want to get more active on this site and start writing more often and figured what better way to learn and become a better writer practice doing both.
I’m also going to give you 100 gift points. I’m not sure if that’s being a cheapskate.  Keep plugging away and Write On!!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of That's you  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautifully done, (Claps Bravo, Bravo)
I love the way this flows. At first read I thought it a wee bit rough in a couple spots and was ready to pick apart a couple lines. Then on a second reading (aloud) I began questioning my first impression. I now realize I have nothing to offer you that would make this Poem a better piece, and would not change a thing.
Well done! Absolutely Beautiful!
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