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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stacy20
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11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Snowballs  
Review by stacys
Rated: E | (3.0)
"I didn’t have much of an arsenal to ward off the big guys and the more I was picked on the fewer friends I was picking up." There should be a comma between "guys" and "and" along with a comma between "on" and "the"
I noticed a few errors such as in the sentence "Until then, I will jus at keep working on our experiments in the lab under the guise of saving the world or alternative energy solutions."
Some of the writing is also a little choppy, which forced me to reread sections of it in order to follow. I'd also suggest writing it all in past tense instead of shifting between present and past; it made it more difficult to read--just my opinion.
Other than that, it was interesting.
Keep writing
Stacys
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Review of Gray House  
Review by stacys
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very interesting. Right away at the beginning you had my attention. Even though it was a long piece-much longer than I usually read on this site-I actually didn't want to stop reading. The story raised a lot of questions as it went on and was really bewildering at times but that was what made me continue. I enjoyed the whole "theater within a theater" discussion at the end as well. Great piece.
stacys
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