Very clever and certainly humorous, even poignant at times. Kept my interest going. Dipped,also, into some philosophical funnies and succinct thoughts about destiny.
What a lovely shimmering poem! You might want to consider changing the sentence that reads""Of petals where she moored her silk and for a moment there she perched" Rather have it read: "Of petals where she moored her silk and for a moment perched." Taking out the "there she" actually adds strength to your poem and it is understood the line refers to "she". Often times, less is more.
This is beautiful work.! Your choice of words is most lucid and using words like: prismatic, imbued, encased, hovered, and silhouette create a richness to this poem.
Enjoyed your poem! The rhythm needs to be corrected, however, In the phrase"You have my heart and soul and all my love" would be better expressed (for the rhythm effect) "You have my heart and soul and love". Also in the phrase "and I never feel alone.: Should be "We are best friends and I'm never alone." Always count the number of syllables to attain the proper words that follow. Having a daughter is a majestic accomplishment when she is as dear as your daughter is! I also have two daughters and both of them are also majestic! How lucky we are to have had such good fortune! However, perhaps it is not good fortune at all! It is really our combination of love and discipline fostered throughout the years that created such fine daughters.
Your heart shows all the way through this lovely poem !
Very interesting reading during almost all of this story. However, I do not understand the mysterious message "N-12". Please enlighten me as to its meaning in this tumultuous story. Did enjoy the line "Iron had entered into his soul." This story kept you reading and wondering truly what the ending would be. There is great talent here. There is a sound understanding of human nature and its proclivities. For children do act in terrible ways sometimes. I can only remember my own childhood and the petty grievances of other children. Somehow, in youth, it was so important to
"belong" to a group. Outsiders felt weird and frightened.
Please inform me as to the meaning of "N-12". Sure would like to know !!
Charming humor ~ ! Balanced meter and a smile from me while reading this funny (yet often true) happening. Have you ever had the feeling that what you write actually comes through you and you marvel at what comes out on the page? I have, and it is almost like "grace" touching my Life. The interesting aspects of your many writings show a person who has thought much, learned much, experienced much and has garnered much wisdom in a lifetime.
Enchanted with the many diverse aspects of your writing!
This is certainly raw but exhibits a keen understanding of anatomy. At once, you feel sympathy for the fallen girl and admiration for the Huntress.
Well crafted! Why not expand this into a novel? You certainly have the talent and would attract a large audience. You do understand the crudeness that men can exhibit. Any woman who reads this would cheer you on !!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/succinct
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 7:19am on May 04, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
