I like the over-all theme of this poem. I like how you show how everything in life can just crumble, like an old building. It so hard to accept that sometimes, but it's important to understand that some things aren't permanent. Some people can't accept that, but it's still true.
Yeah, as usual I enjoyed your story. I think you're a pretty talented writer. I liked the men's reaction to the kiss, which was ever-so believable. I would read a story along those lines, but it might be nice to go into the background of them. "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. XOXO :P
Pretty good, but you misspelled a few words, I think one of them was sense, greatly entertaining story. I enjoyed reading this and can't wait for the rest, and I'll keep checking for it. I'm curious what happens to Neotasha. Interesting to find him there at the fortress.
Very good, probably my favourite chapter so far. The spelling has improved, but there were still some mistakes. I like Cody's character, there's something that makes you feel like you shouldn't like him, but you still do. I think this was better by far, great job.:P
Again I like the story, but you have a lot of spelling and punctuation issues. Also you keep calling 'Becky' 'Heather'. I think you should change that because it was a bit confusing at first. I also think their reactions to the dark lord was a little unrealistic, and the dialogue was pretty unbelievable. The story did keep my attention though.
Again you have several spelling and grammar mistakes, also this particular piece lacks flow. It could definitely use some work, but I actually like the story idea. It's a fun little story, and I liked the idea, but I think you really need to work on grammar and spelling. Also you might want to reread your work, because I noticed several misspellings that might have been typos.
I had thought that Kyle would have the biggest role in this story, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that Garen was the main character. I found some parts confusing mainly the part about Shelby and Mr. Kilmore I don''t get what happened to them, so that's a bit of a mystery to me. Mostly you have some spelling mistakes, and typos to worry about.
First there were several spelling mistakes, but I found the story very entertaining. I think with a little tweaking you could make this a pretty good story. The dialogue didn't sound believable, but this was a good plot, just a little work with how it was written.
I liked the basic story idea, but during your explanation of the lighthouses I thought you used the word lighthouse too often, maybe you should consider replacing lighthouses with them. I think it would make your work flow a lot better, but otherwise I really liked your story.
I loved it, I remember when my grandpa died, I was so sick of everyone telling me that they were sorry, because it wasn't really their fault. I wanted to scream at them to go away. Except for one friend who just tried to make me laugh, and act as if everything was okay. Great story.
I thought it was good example of how an abusive relationship can affect someone, and you don't want to leave your old life, but you do, because it's good for you. I thought it was pretty well written but there was a few sentences that I would have rephrased, but that's only personal taste, and nothing actually wrong with how it's written.
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