Ah, another poem from you! I really like these poems; brief, but packs as much as it can into each word. I tend to ramble in my writing, so I definitely respect that ability. I don't like this poem quite as much as the other one; when spoken aloud, I don't feel like it flows as well for some reason? Does that make sense? Overall though, I do enjoy it, despite having no experience with the subject matter myself.
I feel like I would appreciate this poem more if I knew the basis of it. Is it based off of a historical event? Or is it based off of something that personally happened to you?
NOTE: I just now noticed the summary saying it was about alopecia. Now it makes much more sense. If you plan to publish this, I'd suggest having that note about the subject matter somewhere. That said, I really did enjoy the poem, and the word choice.
This is filed under the wrong thing; a novella is between 17,500 words and 40,000 words. I'd classify this under "flash fiction," unless you didn't upload all of it by mistake (been there). Also, there are quite a few grammar errors, most notably that you don't have proper line breaks. Remember, a new line of dialogue = new line! Also, the "he" and "she" after a tag of dialogue should not be capitalized.
I like your word choice in this poem, and I like the way it flows when spoken aloud. My main reason for the (relatively) low score is that it feels... incomplete, somehow, like this is the first stanza of a poem, rather than a full poem. I encourage you to expand on it. Good luck!
I like this poem, and was left wondering if it was about a real person. The only thing that really confused/bothered me were these lines:
as an emotional e-
lixir for lost souls.
Spoken aloud, the lines sound fine, but the break between "e" and "lixir" look awkward to the eye and are annoying to read. I get the sense that this is one of those poems that is better read aloud, but I liked it for the most part. Keep writing!
There's something about this poem's mundane subject that I liked - it sort of reminded me of Emily Dickinson, except I normally hate Emily Dickinson and I really liked this poem. (Sorry for that semi-weird compliment, but it was a compliment, I promise.) I like how you compared and contrasted the lawn with death, which was an odd comparison, but it still worked.
This poem wasn't BAD, per se, but it's definitely in need of some polishing. For one thing, there are some words that are capitalized for no apparent reason. I'm not sure if these were just typos or on purpose, but remember: only the first word of a sentence and proper nouns get capitalized! The poem could've gone deeper into what each child could make a treehouse, how they use it (or stop using it) as they get older. But don't give up; this poem could be really good, if you work on it a bit longer.
So true! I used to use free-form reviews, but I'm switching to structured reviews (except for non-fiction pieces, structured reviews don't work with those) because I find I like those better. Great job!
So! I’m on one of my famous click-on-everything-and-then-review-it sprees, so here’s some feedback. This is just my humble opinion. Seriously. You can take it with a grain of salt.
Poem:
LAYOUT, FORM, METER, ETC.:
Perfect rhyming.
WHAT I LIKE:
I like the whole "when thoughts run too deep" line. Very accurate.
WHAT NEEDS TO BE IMPROVED:
I'd like it to be longer.
So! I’m on one of my famous click-on-everything-and-then-review-it sprees, so here’s some feedback. This is just my humble opinion. Seriously. You can take it with a grain of salt.
Poem:
LAYOUT, FORM, METER, ETC.:
Flawless. Good rhyming.
WHAT I LIKE:
I like the imagery in the poem. I can see the darkness very easily in my head.
WHAT NEEDS TO BE IMPROVED:
I noticed that you mentioned "dungeon walls" and I was wondering-- is it literal, or is it a metaphor? If it's literal, how did the narrator get there?
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I enjoyed this poem. You have talent. :)
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