When I saw this I thought- Seriously?!
But in a good way, as I have never seen anything like this before.
My favourite thing about this is how funky, fun and cool it is and the rhythm. 'Cos I just can't seem to get any rhythm in my poems!!
I love how some of it rhymes and the witty narrative really makes the piece. As well as the emoticons of course!!
"I think of *Books4* and *ButterflyB*'s"
When I first read that I thought;'huh?' But then I re-read it and saw how it fitted, yet I live in England as well. (Yorkshire) So I don't know whether it is a saying or not. It's probably just me, though!
Overall, I love the poem.
This item is amazing overall I find it very mature and, for want of a better phrase, grown-up. 😀
More feedback❗️❗️
💡⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❓❓❓The title is very effective.
Paragraph 1: I like how the first sentence sums up the paragraph to make it clear for the reader.it might just be me ,but I feel as if the second sentence would make more sense like this: 'It had started with a blind date arranged', instead of 'it started with a blind date. . .'.
Paragraph 2: I like that it's about am I going to see the blonde again or not?- situation. Also, the metaphor 'likely to find myself in deep water-- and sinking fast' is great, it shows the indecision.
I like how paragraph 4 is just one sentence, yet there is space for the reader to breathe- I find that very hard to do!
Overall this is written in a sarcastic way with a dry sense of humour- which I find amazing! A way to improve could be to enhance this a bit? However, I really like the way it is already. The phrase 'But that's another story' is an example of this to me.
The Notes To Writing.com Readers and Reviews is quite clever as well.
You could always write a fictional piece which includes this and the other stories with more enhanced events to make it fictional? - Just a suggestion
STARS
Good adjectives 'golden hair' instead of blonde hair.
Great flow
Amazing rhythm
My favorite phrase is
'The heart may break and heal again'
The whole poem is very touching.
MAYBE NEXT TIME??
As you have some rhyming- 'well and'tell', 'ponder' and 'fonder'. maybe add more rhyming so there is a pattern of rhyme?
Try adding some punctuation- maybe some full stops or explanation marks to create impact?
For example, you could add a full stop on one of the more impacting phrases.
"The heart may break and heal again.
But never it grows fonder.
Never shall it not regret.
To mend the broken pieces back,
and then she said;
'Yet the heart grows stronger'"
This is awesome!
To improve:
You could try and make the last couple of lines of the first and last verse rhyme- I think this would speak to the reader more. But just my opinion and it may not fit in with the design of the poem.
STARS
It is really cool how you refer to the reader- it gives me the feeling like you are addressing me personally.
The reference to 'seven billion' is also a great part to me because it says how massive the world is and makes the poem realistic. However, I would prefer it if it said 'over seven billion' instead of ' a seven billion' as there are more than seven billion people in the world.
Overall, an amazing poem which was very touching to read.
I really like this!
It seems to be like a chant, I can just imagine everything the words say in my mind as an amazing, detailed picture!
Also, I like the thought of where you put the capital letters and how it all flows really well. :)
My favourite part is definitely:
'So head my warning.
When you hear.
The Sirens song,
should fill you with fear.'
It is such a good ending to a story told as a chanting poem.
This poem is really good!
The words and the way you lay out them are amazing.
My favourite line is definitely 'Our lives, again'.
I also like the way you start with a capital letter each time- it shows how each statement is strong to stand by itself.
Furthermore, the way you keep on repeating the word 'again' like the person is fed up of it repeating. Overall, the poem is definitely really dramatic and powerful.
I love the structure of the writing-it is an amazing presentation.
I also love the words you use and topic. However, my favourite part of it is how deep the poem is.
It is very complicated-a good thing.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sykesr/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 5:45pm on May 07, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
