This is a great poll!!!
I love Dr Who and Clara Oswald (Donna was great, but I loved the Impossible Girl storyline.)
I like how you state the character and the actor who played them.
However, I do not have any suggestions as I think this poll is clear and has everything it needs.
Which assistant from Dr Who was your favourite?
I enjoyed this poll, it's different to ones I usually do- which made it interesting for me to do and to find out the answers. I'm actually surprised about how "the entire Bible" is the most popular option; where I live most people are agnostic ( like me, which is why I put "parts of the Bible") or atheist.
I like how you are using the poll to help with the title of a story, using the features available !
Reading the summary, your story seems like its going to be amazing- for some weird reason it reminded me of Forrest Gump (which my class watched a couple of moths ago). I don't know why it did- just some weird mental connection I guess. . !
Anyway, I voted for "To Love On This Island" as to me it just seemed to fit really well - originally they met on the island, drifted apart then met again. But, I don't know, which is your favourite title???
I hope you post the story on writing.com or the title so I can buy the book- it sounds like such a great plot!
Yes, I like the message in this. The title 'Maybe you should start thinking!' sums up what the paragraph is all about.
My suggestion would be to proof-read your work, because there are some spelling errors- it makes me think you downloaded it from a Word Document (as this happened to me when I download Word Documents onto Writing.com!)
"donât" and "âWhen" and ",â" are examples of some technical errors.
Overall, though I enjoyed reading this and the message was good.
This draft has made me very interested to read the final version!
The punctuation is good and the plot/theme is interesting.
Some of my questions are:
"How long have they been in a relationship?"
"What's happened to make her at the 'dumping-you stage'?"
"'the background filled with expectant silence.' - is anyone watching their encounter?"
Other points:
The repetitive use of the word 'said' is quite effective, but maybe only use 'said' when 'he' is speaking- maybe change the word into something else when the narrative person is speaking?
If you are going to add any more verses then maybe think of adding rhyme into one verse?
A great read. I had to read it a couple of times to fully comprehend what was happening, but on the second time i was: "this is great". It opened up some questions:
"Has the Father died?/If so, how?"
"Were they friends before the Father created the riff?"
"Did the family get her drunk in order to have her sign the papers?"
Overall, I love this piece and would love it if you wrote a sequel.
Congratulations! Well done for impulsive decisions. It must have been a lot of determination to write an e-book and actually publish it. I'm only a teenager and have never wrote a book, but one day I hope to. So, congratulations for having enough dedication to write a book AND publish it! What is your e-book called?
I like this piece. The entire piece is great. The beginning entices people in and the ending is amazing. I like the mixture of sentence structures.
This is very thorough and I like your type of writing.
"This infinitude of interrelated complexity becomes so simple to know, when looked at intimately, when I live it, when I become part of it, when I become the mate of Gaia."
I would change the above statement to:
"This infinitude of interrelated complexity becomes so simple to know, when looked at intimately, when I live it, when I become part of it. Finally, when I become the mate of Gaia."
In my opinion this is better because it is using the technique of list of three. But its up to you!
STARS:
I like the rhyming couplets.
I love how you used punctuation as many poems I have viewed don't, the punctuation really adds to the piece.
WISH:
I haven't really got many improvements because I think this is really good and seems to flow really well.
OVERALL:
I enjoyed reading this piece. If I may ask, did anything inspire this piece?
(You don't have to answer if you don't want to!)
Interesting prompt. Seems an ambiguous prompt that many people will have different stories revolving around.
Is it a contest or a message thread??
How would I enter??
This is a very interesting poll!
Personally, I just add to interactive stories, but now I feel like it would be better if I asked if I could add to them!
So, it has taught me to ask if I can add to people's interactive story! Thank you!
Firstly, thank you for asking me to review this poem. I am honoured.
I like how the title is in capitals- when a reader is looking through they will automatically be attracted, to start off with, by the title.
Then I like how you have repeated the start of lines: "Where is. . ." and "Love can. . ."
Also, I like how this can be interpreted as ambiguous writing.
"Love is everlasting....
Everlasting as stone.....
Cold hard stone..."
I really like these three phrases because everlasting love seems good and done with free will, whereas "cold hard stone" implies being forced into love and bad. I love the mixture of emotions this poem made me feel.
SUGGESTIONS:
Maybe, where is says
"The eternal heart of stone, clutched desperately, unyielding."
Should be changed into:
"The eternal heart of stone, clutching desperately, unyielding."
I think this would make it all in the same tense- but its up to you- it works either way.
OVERALL
Overall, I love this piece it made me feel a lot of emotions with your use of language and it was very effective.
Cool!
I really like this, especially the cool ending!
I like how you thought about how to start each line- whether with capital letter or not. Also, I like how "Ocean" has a capital letter to show the importance- I think it is really effective.
SUGGESTIONS:
With, "And I wonder was it destined this way". Maybe try putting a comma after "wonder"/before "was" and a "?" after "way". But it works quite well as it is.
My personal opinion:
You labelled it non-fiction; personally I don't understand why it is non-fiction- however that is probably just me as it is well-written.
So, overall I don't understand why it is non-fiction (again, probably just me!) and I love how it ends-a wonderful end to a wonderful piece.
I love this. I'm thirteen and would definitely read lots of your work. You manage to twist and flow words together to create an amazing produce! It is amazing! It is very comforting to read and I can imagine studying this at school!
I love the conclusion:
"They wondered why he loved the park,
and why he'd sneak out after dark?"
It is a wonderful finish to a wonderful poem.
Actually, I'm really trying to nit-pick at anything but this poem is just so absolutely amazing, that I can't find anything!
I like the song, overall it flows together well.
Personally, I would look at the line:
"Did you know how high you will fall from?"
It just didn't seem to fit as well as all the other lines did.
Maybe try:
"Did you did you know how high you will fall from?"
Such as the first verse is like.
My favourite parts are the bridge because I really like the rhyme and how different it is to the rest. Also, the idea for the last chorus and who sings it.
Another suggestion would be having a direction for how it is like when singing for more verses/choruses, other than just the last one.
However, I really like the lyrics of this song and would love to hear it.
I love this.
A lot of poems I come across don't involve much punctuation, but this one does- YAY!!!
My only suggestion is with the second line to adjust:
"The beauty grows, the colour grows"
Into;
"The beauty prospers, the colour grows"
Just because then it will fit in with the first line, however the original line is amazing and fits in well.
I love the last verse- it is my favourite.
AWESOME :)
Notices: I am briefly reviewing the outline of the entire interactive story. Also, I am not a professional reviewer, all my comments are intended to either help to improve or congratulate.
Overall the focus on tickling is good, they're many inventive options for tickling; such as the childish Mr Tickles. So, the idea is good. My additional idea would be Mr Tickle!!
:) :)
However, what is the rating for this??
Things I would change, why is it only girls you could tickle, being a girl and a feminist I have taken this in a way I'm sure you don't intend it to be taken. So, I would advise you to think about how other,(sensitive?) people can take it and say you could tickle any gender. I assume the rating is at least 13+.
However, I do respect how you mentioned the no sex part and that this context isn't all your work so you cannot totally control what goes inside it.
Furthermore, to improve the actual work, an idea would be to expand your ideas more because they are good raw ideas. For example;
"Selena get tickled"
Overall, I like the idea of this interactive story- it is new and fresh which is good.
Cool poll!! I'm going to go look at the interactive story once I've finished with this review.
Grammar- Commas after "Yes" and "No" might be useful?? Also, you could try using exclamation points (!!!!!!!!) for effect. As this is a poll that needs effect!!! As it is great!!!
I like how you have a variety of options as I think that is good in any random poll!
COOL! I like the poem. Especially the first verse where it repeats "One".
However, why does it say " an evil man", instead of "an evil human"- just me being a feminist! I understand why, a bit, but still. . .
I also like how you have non-capitals at the start of the lines but, maybe you could try capitalizing some of the lines?
I'm guessing you are not a fan of war? Me neither; fighting shouldn't be the answer.
You describe it in an amazingly disgusting way: "for killing the war is not an act of peace, no it is not! an the men who fight for peace are the bringers of war and wrath. . ."
It is very good and successful. But, I would look at the no-capitals and vary the capitals- to make it flow better.
Hiya!
First thing I saw was the title of "untitled work". Why is it called that?? It is a good way to grab the readers' attention but if that is the title maybe try changing it and using capitals: " Untitled Work"- personally, I think that way looks more professional.
I like how each phrase starts with a capital letter- maybe try adding some full-stops for effect?
I like how it is very individual and my favourite is: "The soul of my lover, the soul of me" I think it is quite deep and dark.
It is up to you of course ,but, just before I read this one I read this poem
-Mermaid's Lore by rjsimonson-
which you could look at to get some more ideas from as I think they use some punctuation well.
But it is up to you- good luck and well done!
Hiya!
I really like how you seem to emphasize some points by putting them in italics.
Also, how some of the starting words to the sentence start in capitals, whereas other don't- I really like the effect that has.
Maybe try changing this.
"They say the tales of mine
are such whales."
Into;
"They say the tales
Of mine
are such whales."
As that would change part of the rhythm and add a rhyme but it's up to you.
(My favourite verse is the last one- it is just so good!!)
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