Kinda of short in length, but that's a'ight. I gotta say that I really enjoyed reading this piece and that my most favourite bit would have to be both your writing style in general and your description. That's what I first look for in reading, and this was amazing despite the fact that it wasn't very long. :) Great job.
I am a horrible poet so I can't really say anything constructive but way to go on this. I actually liked it, and I am definitely not a poetry fan. Very well written, and despite the short length it was really touching for me. Great job!
Wow, I gotta say, I rather enjoyed this. Not a poetry fan, at all. Always hated it in school when we had to do it, and never did understand most of the stuff we were required to read, but this was incredible. Extremely well written!
This story is absolutely incredible. You hook me from beginning to end in every chapter, and clearly you know what you're doing. You definitely deserve that 4 star rating, but I'm surprised it's not more. Everyone really should check out this story. *fingers crossed* I can keep up the writing long enough to get as far with my new novel as you have. :)
Not sure how great a critique this really is, or if it will help you any, as it's probably more of an ego-boost than anything - but I think you are fantastic. I really enjoy this body of work you've created here and it's quite well written and I just wanted to let you know how much I am liking it and I think you have serious skills. :) Quite jealous actually. xD
I quite enjoyed this piece and it actually made me smile to read it, which after waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning (like five minutes ago actually) - I needed that. My favourite bit was definitely,
"It's not an obituary, dammit. I'm trying to tell you that I'm too old for you. You're not even 20 years old. People look at me like I'm robbing the damned cradle. And they think all I want to do is get in your pants."
"You are in the cradle, handsome, and you have been in my pants." She laughed.
Got a giggle out of me. Great job! :) Wonderful visuals.
This story is extremely well written in my opinion so far and I am loving every bit of it. I definitely m going to be keeping an eye out for new updates and I will do my best to leave reviews whenever I can (not sure how helpful they'll be but you can bet I will definitely make sure to tell you how much I adore your writing). :)
I thought your use of description was great, and so I really loved that in reading this piece, but one thing I would do is try and break this up into more paragraphs so it's not a bunch of huge, intimidating chunks. But I did enjoy it despite that once I got through it, even though sometimes I lose my spot in big huge paragraphs like that, but I read straight to the end. :) Well written.
I'm not a big poetry reader, so I'm not sure how much my opinion on this matters, but I actually thought this was really well written. What I took from it is that this person was not prepared for what happened to him and the way he imagined everything to be was far from what it actually was.
I think I probably say this a lot, but this is my most favourite part when reading because it lets me use my imagination to the fullest - I loved the way you used your description here! I would love for there to be a bit more when it comes to the characters speaking, instead of just 'he said' 'she said' and then moving on. If you get what I mean. I just like a bit more meat in between when possible to describe the characters actions along with their words and such instead of just one line of dialogue to the next. That being said though, I though you did well with the description here. Just more would be even better. :) Wonderful job.
Really good start so far I'd say, and as I'm a big description fan I applaud you for your use of that, because it was for sure good, I just would have liked a bit more of it to spice up the situation, conversation and surroundings a bit more (if that makes sense). But overall, it's quite good. :)
So far so good, I am enjoying the journey so far. :) I love to read description so naturally when it is delved into great detail about surroundings, senses, the characters, etc. I hang on every word. I think you're doing a pretty good job with that, but I would love to see more of it. But it's still fantastic and probably better than anything I could ever write so who am I to judge really. I quite liked the bit at the end with the little duel going on. That was quite the interesting read. :) Overal I liked this. Keep it up. :D
I am asbolutely loving this!! I particularly liked your description of the rain falling, and I could really picture those fat, old drops falling down. How I could really see in my head a vicious storm of water and wind and flailing tree-branches .. it's amazing. The imagery in this I thought was wonderful and very juicy. I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. (I quite like the name Ai'Liel as well. :D)
Now, I'm not sure contributing my opinion on this will make any difference since clearly you know what you are doing and I'm still quite the amateur when it comes to the writing game, but I have to say that I loved this. I think the description in this is absolutely incredible and I found it felt like I was actually there. I really enjoyed it.
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