Hi my name is Tara your story has a grate little twist I though you do need to work on it a bet more I fond it hared to stay focused but then again it’s early and I am still drinking my first cup of coffee. I stile think you can do belter. The correctors are grate and so is the plot but the flow not so much. I do not rely know what to suggest other then re reading it and shortening some of it by rewording it. Other than that you did grate I do not know yet if I like the fact that it is all vartrole realty or not but that’s a grate unexpected twist.
Hi my name is Tara and I injoyed this though I am not normly one to like books like sart track this held my atinton. I did notice that you repited love quite a few times in this paragragh. this is just a sujiston on how to mabe inprove it some.
She loved almost every thing about the place the squalor and the ancient, the rough-hewn tables that stank of years of malt and whiskey. The dirty glasse, and weapons on every hip and last but not least the battered, crusty-eyed spacers that looked ready to cough up a lung or die of the Plague.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tara-a
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 9:15pm on May 05, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
